“Women MPs are more amenable and less objectionable” says tragic memory loss MP


Less objectionable than who?

Labour MP Austin Mitchell has revealed the full and tragic extent of his memory loss. In an interview yesterday it soon became obvious that he couldn’t even remember meeting a woman nor any details of life between 1979 and 1990.

“It cannot be denied that feminisation and youthification will make Parliament brighter, smarter and nicer,” he said. “Yet the Commons will also be more preoccupied with the local rather than the international (not necessarily a bad thing) and small problems rather than big ideas and issues.”

He went on to say that “women MPs are more amenable and leadable and less objectionable” and make less credible candidates in the face of “hairy-arsed local politics, a major Ukip threat or a substantial Muslim population.”

A leading dermatologist later confirmed Mitchell’s claims telling us that, yes, women are less hairy-arsed than men. However she added that science has yet to prove a link between arse hair and political prowess with research being thrown into confusion following the revelation that neither Theresa May or Henry Kissinger have any body hair at all.

Mitchell also made reference to “scions of our great dynasties, the Kinnocks, the Straws, the Benns, the Blairs” which has led many to wonder if he is not just amnesiac but delusional.

All the quotes from Austin Mitchell in this post are real. Sad but true. 

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