Category Archives: Dr. Evans’ Casebook

Family hospitalised as infectious yawn loop takes hold during ‘Les Miserables’.

yawning-childThe Nolan family from Harold are recovering in Dunstable General Infirmary today after a quiet evening in front of the telly almost turned to tragedy. Continue reading

Comments Off on Family hospitalised as infectious yawn loop takes hold during ‘Les Miserables’.

Filed under Around Harold, Badgers, Dr. Evans' Casebook, Health, idiots, Medicine, News

Ask the Doctor. This week: Gerrarditis

Another nasty case of Gerrarditis

Another nasty case of Gerrarditis

Dear Doctor Evans, I’m a BBC sports journalist and I can’t help mentioning the amazingly loyal Liverpool superstar footballer Steven Gerrard every time I open my mouth. Am I sick? Is there any cure? BBC Cliché (The Wirral)   

Dear BBC Cliché, I’m afraid you are very sick, but your condition is curable.

You are suffering from a mass form of hysteria Continue reading

Comments Off on Ask the Doctor. This week: Gerrarditis

Filed under Dr. Evans' Casebook, Media, Sport

Health scare at Harold knitting circle as members found to have been sharing needles.

JS23831350

Just say No

Future meetings of the Harold knitting circle have been cancelled following an outbreak of Hepatitis B among the group. Continue reading

2 Comments

Filed under Badgers, Dr. Evans' Casebook, Drugs, Fashion, Health, Law and Order, Lifestyle, Medicine, Police

‘No cure’ for addiction to cold turkey

Connor Harris seen leaving the doctor’s surgery today.

You are what you eat.  This is Connor Harris.

Harold GP Dr Evans has warned that no cure may ever be found for a patient’s addiction to cold turkey.

Fifteen-year-old local lad Connor Harris was already obese due a junk-food obsession. But his life took a dramatic turn last Christmas when he started ‘experimenting’ with cold turkey late on Christmas Day. By Boxing Day, his addiction was cemented.

“There was certainly an element of social pressure that fateful evening,” said Dr Evans, “but it was mainly down to his personal desire to consume a savoury snack at precisely the moment his mum handed him a plate of cold turkey.”

“Personally, I’ve had enough turkey for one year after cooking the basted thing,” said Connor’s mum Ange Harris, “but, as Dr Evans has explained, it depends on whether the individual carries the cold turkey addiction gene.”

Continue reading

Comments Off on ‘No cure’ for addiction to cold turkey

Filed under Around Harold, Christmas, Dr. Evans' Casebook, Food, Health, Lifestyle, Medicine, spam

Prescription self-help books blamed for 4-hour wait at library

library

Queuing for Dummies (by Doctor Evans)

The latest attempt by GPs to avoid doing any work is causing massive delays at local libraries.

With the A&E department at Dunstable hospital already full to capacity, local quack Dr Evans is urging would-be patients to ‘read a book’, instead of bothering a proper health professional.

“It’s not my fault people get ill outside office hours”, suggested Evans. “It would help me enormously if they would only get sick between 10.30am and 3.30 pm, or before 1pm on a Wednesday.

“But while I sympathise with those who say I spend all my time on the golf course, they might first consider ‘would I be better off in the library?'”

Thanks to a new national initiative, Doctor Evans can now prescribe people ‘self-help’ books which are available from all good librarians. “For a simple £7.85 prescription, they can pick up something I heartily recommend”, said Evans. “Preferably something quite long, that will take ages to finish.”
Continue reading

Comments Off on Prescription self-help books blamed for 4-hour wait at library

Filed under Around Harold, Dr. Evans' Casebook, News