Local scientists Dr Rachel Goody and Dr John Guest have perfected an equation allowing them to determine that everyone looks shocking compared to the image they see in the mirror. Proving once and for all that while you may leave the house believing you look all Jack the Biscuit you’re actually wandering around with a face like a spare croissant and by appearance alone are more than capable of giving a police horse PTSD. Continue reading
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Harold GP Dr Evans has warned that no cure may ever be found for a patient’s addiction to cold turkey.
Fifteen-year-old local lad Connor Harris was already obese due a junk-food obsession. But his life took a dramatic turn when he started ‘experimenting’ with cold turkey late on Christmas Day. By Boxing Day, his addiction was cemented.
“There was certainly an element of social pressure that fateful evening,” said Dr Evans, “but it was mainly down to his personal desire to consume a savoury snack at precisely the moment his mum handed him a plate of cold turkey.”
“Personally, I’ve had enough turkey for one year after cooking the basted thing,” said Connor’s mum Ange Harris, “but, as Dr Evans has explained, it depends on whether the individual carries the cold turkey addiction gene.”