Queuing for Dummies (by Doctor Evans)
The latest attempt by GPs to avoid doing any work is causing massive delays at local libraries.
With the A&E department at Dunstable hospital already full to capacity, local quack Dr Evans is urging would-be patients to ‘read a book’, instead of bothering a proper health professional.
“It’s not my fault people get ill outside office hours”, suggested Evans. “It would help me enormously if they would only get sick between 10.30am and 3.30 pm, or before 1pm on a Wednesday.
“But while I sympathise with those who say I spend all my time on the golf course, they might first consider ‘would I be better off in the library?'”
Thanks to a new national initiative, Doctor Evans can now prescribe people ‘self-help’ books which are available from all good librarians. “For a simple £7.85 prescription, they can pick up something I heartily recommend”, said Evans. “Preferably something quite long, that will take ages to finish.”
Dr Evans explained that books can tackle a number of issues that he’s just a bit bored with dealing with in person.
“There’s some excellent titles”, insisted the GP. “For instance, there’s ‘Living with Stress’ by Doctor Evans; ‘Dealing with Dyslexia’ by Doctor Evans; ‘Coping with Broken Legs’ by Doctor Evans, ‘Managing a Head Wound’, by Doctor Evans, and ‘How to cope with Beauty’, by Samantha Brick.”
Critics of Doctor Evans have suggested that prescription books are ‘a bloody stupid idea’ and just a way of making ill people queue in a different place.
“If you don’t like it, you could always ‘go private’ and buy a copy from Waterstones”, Evans replied. “If you decide to go down that route I’m happy to consult in the evenings, you can find me at the bar of the Squirrel Licker’s Arms most of the week. There’s no need to make an appointment, but ‘mine’s a large one’ if you’re asking.”
“If you buy me some scratchings, I’d be happy to sign your personal copy of ‘The Lighter Side of Eczema’.”
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