Tag Archives: religion

People who now want all religion banned still expecting Christmas presents


Grrr…Sky Fairy…Brain washed….opium of the masses…where’s my Chrissie Pressie?

As social media continues to be dominated by varying opinions on religion many of which only make readers wonder if the person posting them ever even went to school, it has emerged that those now calling for all religion to be banned or dismissing it out of hand as childish nonsense are still expecting lots of lovely gifts on 25th December.

“When I tweeted that religion is more harmful to humans than arsenic and should be treated accordingly I wasn’t talking about Christmas,” said village keyboard warrior Ros Shaw. “I love Christmas! I mean I totally believe that no religion has ever done anything good and that they’re all death cults which only appeal to the feeble minded but I’m so looking forward to putting up the deccies and having a really good time. I love the carols best, O Little Town of Bethlehem always gives me the shivers. It’s so beautiful.” Continue reading

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Now Sainsbury’s decides not to sell Christmas items for fear of offending anyone

Never knowingly upsetting

Never knowingly upsetting

Straight after the news that Sainsbury’s had withdrawn all meat products, due to concerns about protesting vegetarians, and vegetables due to fears of upsetting meat eaters, the retail giant has announced they will not stock any Christmas related items in the run up to December 25th.

“It wasn’t an easy decision,” said a spokesperson, “ the run up to Christmas is usually our busiest time, but the majority of our customers aren’t real Christians and we didn’t want them to become upset and start cutting people’s heads off and putting the footage on twitter. That wouldn’t be great publicity, would it?” Continue reading


Filed under News, Pagans, Religion, Uncategorized

Court upholds ban on religious headwear – rioters balaclavas still Ok.

The European Court of Human Rights has upheld France’s ban on women wearing a veil or other full far covering for religious reasons, but say you can still cover your face for rioting reasons.

“Although they may wish to cover up for their religious beliefs and for their personal views on modesty, it is a more important human right that the far-right in France can see the Muslim they are hating,” the judge at the court said.

“However if these women still insist on covering up, then they need to join the likes of the EDL, Golden Dawn, and France’s National Front and exercise their right to don a full face balaclava to avoid being identified when setting fire to a mosque.”

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Filed under International News, News, Religion

Pope criticises mafia and calls kettle black


You can smell the real thing. This is solid silver, put it back in the safe

Pope Francis has condemned what he called the Mafia’s adoration of evil, saying the gangsters were now effectively excommunicated in the eyes of the Church.

A notoriously dangerous criminal organisation, with complex financial structures and a vast network of agents across world, the Catholic Church is keen to preserve its status as Italy’s ‘Number 1’. Continue reading

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Bible Society ‘largely ignorant’ of Harry Potter stories


Some Christians ‘entirely ignorant’ of what’s in his wand.

Children and parents have warned of ‘widespread ignorance’ of Potter lore amongst the members of the Bible Society.

A small number of the organization have never heard of Dumbledore, let alone Hagrid, Hermione or Viktor Krum.

The study revealed a generation of middle-aged adults with little knowledge of the most important Harry Potter stories. A high proportion of these people were observed to wear cardigans.

“Harry Potter has a huge influence on modern society”, claimed muggle Melanie Hostage. “It’s as relevant today as it was 16 years ago. It provides us with some guidelines on how we should treat other people, if we’re too stupid to work it out for ourselves without the help of a barely believable story.”
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