Left Twix or Righ Twix?
A relaxed and tanned Duchess of Cambridge has made her first solo official visit since the birth of Princess Charlotte in May.
Sporting a smart new fringe, the Duchess, 33, visited the Anna Freud Centre to learn how the charity is working to help young people with mental health issues.
“It really gave me something to think about, seeing someone so effortlessly beautiful Continue reading
Residents in Baltimore have been out in force celebrating the Duchess of Cambridge’s admission into Hospital.
“Nothing brings an oppressed community together like the impending birth of an over privileged white child” one protester said.
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Britain’s biggest retailers are today coming under pressure to withdraw from sale a Halloween costume that allows wearers to pretend to be the Duchess of Cambridge suffering from severe morning sickness. Continue reading
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The baboon is on the left.
“I first had an inkling when I saw that photograph of the wind lifting Kate’s dress above her waist,” said Professor Luke Thorne. “Immediately the thought ‘baboon’ flashed across my mind and I decided to investigate.” Continue reading
Kate may be stripped of the ‘Royal Heir Makers’ yellow jersey
Buckingham Palace have confirmed that the Duchess of Cambridge has given birth to a baby boy. However, the validity of her labour, and subsequently the baby’s claim to be third in line to the throne have been called into question after initial indications show Kate has failed a doping test.
“We are still waiting for the results from a ‘B’ sample to come back from the lab, but we are sure she gave birth under the influence of pain killers, nitrous oxide and other ‘performance enhancing drugs’” a spokesman for the World Anti-Doping Agency told reporters.
“If the tests are confirmed, she will be stripped of the royal heir makers yellow jersey and receive a world-wide four-year ban from producing babies for any other royal family.”
The news comes just after Chris Froome became the record-breaking second successive clean winner of the Tour De France.
Kensington Palace has denied all claims of doping during the birth and promised to appeal any ban handed down from WADA.
“We are as shocked as anyone else at this result, and promise to conduct a full, internal investigation” the royal gynaecologist told us.
“We are sure she has not willingly taken any substance, but are looking into the possibility a cup of Earl Grey consumed during labour may either have been contaminated with diamorphine, or inadvertently given her an epidural.”
The Palace’s denial of deliberate doping may be questionable as witnesses in the Lindo wing say they heard a female voice scream “Stop prancing round in that f***ing pilot’s uniform and get me some f***ing drugs, NOW.”
In line with drug cheat tradition, we are expecting an easel with the very important announcement of an interview booking to be placed outside Oprah Winfrey’s house.
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