Today there’d be a huge social media campaign including tweets from Prince Harry telling people to enlist
As conflicts in Gaza, Syria and many other places continue to rage, the West is commemorating WWI with fondness for an era when soldiers wore neat and tidy uniforms and blew up other mainly white men with the minimum of fuss. Continue reading
Safe pair of hands at first slip
Fresh from his announcement that World War One was actually a masterpiece of military planning, Education Secretary Michael Gove has now claimed that the Ashes tour was a ‘triumph’ for the England team.
“Left-wing defeatist commentators are trying to spread the myth that the Ashes tour was some sort of shambles, with under-prepared men sent to certain disaster by an out-of-touch elite,” he snarled this morning. “But let me tell you that good historians, such as myself, see the hostilities as necessary, and a price worth paying to show the Australians very clearly who’s the boss.” Continue reading
Filed under Politics, Sport
No Americans needed until April 2017.
Conscription has been introduced in the UK for the first time in over fifty years in order to provide casts for the forthcoming onslaught of dramas and documentaries about the First World War which will begin in this the centenary year of the start of the conflict and be broadcast until November 11th 2018.
“Conscription is absolutely vital,” said Culture Secretary Maria Miller. “Without it this country is simply unable to provide enough young, posh actors with floppy hair to play doomed officers. Nor will we have enough short northern blokes to play chippy sergeants or older character actors with booming voices capable of growing excellent moustaches to be out-of-touch generals.” Continue reading
What did you do during the war programme, daddy?
Complaints have flooded in to the BBC website, after it was revealed that the war wasn’t mentioned for nearly a whole afternoon.
Despite Britain being in Europe and us All Being Friends Now, it’s generally accepted that the Nazi Menace should be dwelled upon on at least every hour and more often at weekends.
“I was appalled”, revealed local pensioner Doris Kettle. “I rely on the BBC’s Rolling Old News Channel for some comfort in these unthreatening times. But then last Thursday, they didn’t so much as a mention rationing or them brainboxes in Bletchley. They should warn us if they’re not going to do that: I assumed the war had restarted.”
Doris was eventually tracked down to a corrugated structure in her garden and calmed by relatives who coaxed her out with a banana and an old tin of ham. But that wasn’t before she’d blacked out her windows, killed her pets and reported her neighbour for being a Trotskyist agitator.