David Cameron’s spokesperson has said his father’s alleged links with the Mafia revealed in a huge leak are a “private matter”.
Asked whether the Prime Minister’s family was still active in Mafiosi crime, his spokesperson replied: “That is a private matter, I am focused on what the Government is doing.”
When asked if “what the Government is doing” included construction, sanitation, and insurance industries in Sicily, the spokesman agreed that it was.
“However,” added the spokesman, a daunting seven-foot figure in dark overcoat and homburg, “We do not anticipate any interest from the Crown Prosecution Service. Particularly those members who possess race horses.”
You can smell the real thing. This is solid silver, put it back in the safe
Pope Francis has condemned what he called the Mafia’s adoration of evil, saying the gangsters were now effectively excommunicated in the eyes of the Church.
A notoriously dangerous criminal organisation, with complex financial structures and a vast network of agents across world, the Catholic Church is keen to preserve its status as Italy’s ‘Number 1’. Continue reading
Filed under Crime, Religion
Journalists strongly advised not to ask too many questions
FIFA were caught up in further controversy today following their decision to strip the hosting of the 2022 World Cup from Qatar and instead award it to Sicily.
Critics are claiming that the new vote was, if anything, even more corrupt than the original process that saw the World Cup awarded to Qatar. These claims have been strenuously denied by Matteo Messina Denaro, who headed up the Sicily 2022 bid. Continue reading
Hitting back at comments from Pope Francis that they must ‘stop doing evil’ if they wish to avoid hell, mafia bosses have said they will stop ‘if the Catholic Church stops first’.
Warning the criminal organisation with such phrases as ‘blood-stained money, blood-stained power, you can’t take it all with you, even if you are a nice Pope’, mafia bosses say they would be willing to give up any criminal tendencies they may have, as long as the Church took the lead.
“We are not saying one crime is any worse than another,” one don explained, “but we are sure as well as hating torture and murder, God isn’t that keen on paedophilia and widespread corruption either.
Mayor hopes car will support ‘up to six hookers’
Local Mayor Rufus D Jackson has reacted swiftly to criticisms of his austerity programme, by buying an ‘absolutely enormous’ car.
With budgets for the local library, citizen’s advice bureau and most bin collections cut by up to 100%, some villagers had started to question how this would lead to more growth.
But while Jackson admitted that the tactic was causing hardship for the sort of people he didn’t care for, he insisted that owning a massive car would help cheer up those that mattered the most.
Filed under News, Politics