Tag Archives: mayor

by | June 13, 2015 · 2:00 pm

Harold Mayor ‘outed as white’ by his own family

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Rufus D Jackson in his mayoral robes

Harold Mayor and one time US movie star Rufus D. Jackson has been ‘outed’ as a white man by his parents.

Derek & Rita Jackson wrote to The Evening Harold from their home in South Yorkshire, alleging that Rufus has been falsely portraying himself as black for many years.

We spoke with Derek, a retired duck farmer, and Rita, a former nursery nurse. They told us that Rufus was born Richard Derek Jackson, and began blacking up in 1972 in order to break into the blaxplotation film industry. Rufus enjoyed a successful movie carer, staring in many films including Black Knuckle Sandwich, Black Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, and Black Fruit Punch, before returning to the UK to pursue his love of local politics.

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by | May 5, 2014 · 2:00 pm

Knob-tossing competition thrills bank holiday innuendo lovers

mayorknob

Oh, what a beauty.

Scores of local athletes spent their bank holiday taking part in Harold village’s famous tossing competition. The old Harold contest involves participants tossing the locally-grown knob of Mayor Rufus D. Jackson as hard as possible.

The tradition goes back many years, but historians believe it was invented by Mayor Jackson himself, during a dry spell. This year’s winner, Norman Bunting, produced a record-breaking toss, the results easily clearing the cricket pavilion roof.

‘Hard crusted’

Women’s Institute President and toss organsiser Marjorie Houndstooth explained the rules of the competition: “The knob must be tossed underarm with a firm grip, and at least one of Mayor Jackson’s feet must remain on the ground at all times.”

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by | May 25, 2013 · 7:30 am

Mayor offsets parish austerity measures ‘by buying massive car’

jackson limo

Mayor hopes car will support ‘up to six hookers’

Local Mayor Rufus D Jackson has reacted swiftly to criticisms of his austerity programme, by buying an ‘absolutely enormous’ car.

With budgets for the local library, citizen’s advice bureau and most bin collections cut by up to 100%, some villagers had started to question how this would lead to more growth.

But while Jackson admitted that the tactic was causing hardship for the sort of people he didn’t care for, he insisted that owning a massive car would help cheer up those that mattered the most.
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by | May 3, 2013 · 7:00 am

Records smashed ‘in a bad way’ as local election turnout hits an all-time low

Polling_Station_2008Records were broken at the local parish elections yesterday when it was revealed that the turnout of just five votes was 50% lower than the previous record low.

At a press conference, attended exclusively by the Evening Harold, Mayor Rufus D Jackson conceded that the polls were nothing to be proud of: “This is an historic day for our community but in a bad way. The fact that each of the candidates received just one vote each is not good, but at least I’ve retained office so it’s not all bad. It sustains my faith in democracy.”

Jackson admitted that it appeared that only the five candidates actually voted: “We will have to look into this of course,” adding “Questions will be asked in the Jackson household as to why I only received one vote.” Continue reading →

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