Knob-tossing competition thrills bank holiday innuendo lovers


Oh, what a beauty.

Scores of local athletes spent their bank holiday taking part in Harold village’s famous tossing competition. The old Harold contest involves participants tossing the locally-grown knob of Mayor Rufus D. Jackson as hard as possible.

The tradition goes back many years, but historians believe it was invented by Mayor Jackson himself, during a dry spell. This year’s winner, Norman Bunting, produced a record-breaking toss, the results easily clearing the cricket pavilion roof.

‘Hard crusted’

Women’s Institute President and toss organsiser Marjorie Houndstooth explained the rules of the competition: “The knob must be tossed underarm with a firm grip, and at least one of Mayor Jackson’s feet must remain on the ground at all times.”

“Some people are confused by our local customs, and don’t quite understand what we in Harold mean by a ‘knob’, and this can cause some embarrassment,” she continued. “Well, in this case, the knob is a hard, crusted phallic member attached to the groin of Mayor Rufus D. Jackson. A penis, as it were.”

She explained that the event has given much pleasure over the years, not least to the Mayor himself.

“We get some people who are very competitive – the best thing to do is relax, visualise where you think it’s going to end up and pray. Pray you don’t get in the way, that is.”

The winner received a framed DVD, and his name was added to a board in the village hall and the sex offenders’ register. Other events in the village previously included a knob eating contest and knob darts, until the famous police raid of 2012 put a stop to much of that sort of thing.

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