Tag Archives: dead

Joy as beloved dead bear’s head goes on display.

large

Pooh – what’s that smell?

As staff at London’s Hunterian museum prepare to exhibit the skull of the original Pooh bear, other museums have begun trawling through their store rooms for similar grisly treasures.

Continue reading

Comments Off on Joy as beloved dead bear’s head goes on display.

Filed under Badgers, Children, Culture, Education, Media, News, Showbusiness, skeleton, Society, TV

Confusion as West mourns death of radical and brutal Muslim leader

imageWestern leaders have confused the rest of the world by paying their deepest respects following the death of a radical Muslim leader.

Saudi King Abdullah bin Abdulaziz died in hospital after a short battle with modernisation, which he lost when he took a dose of human rights abuses.
Continue reading

Comments Off on Confusion as West mourns death of radical and brutal Muslim leader

Filed under International News, News, Politics

North Korea reports Renee Zellweger looks different ‘because she’s dead’

Pyongyang suspected of photoshopping Zellweger's obituary.

Pyongyang suspected of photoshopping Zellweger’s obituary.

North Korea’s news agency is regretting using Google Translate, after it put Renee Zellweger’s new look down to her recent demise.

“I look like this because I’m finally at peace”, Zellweger told a Hollywood awards ceremony. Minutes later, a candle-lit vigil began in Pyongyang.

A spokesman for Kim Jong-un explained that the supreme leader felt an affinity with Zellweger. The dictator has also experienced rapid weight gain in his past, coupled with a powerful attraction to Hugh Grant that ultimately ended in rejection and recrimination.

“Zellweger will be best remembered for her voice work in Monsters V Aliens, a film about the oppression of the people by an evil US government”, said Jong-un in a statement from his recently no-longer-dead uncle. “Although over here, her character was of course voiced by someone else.”

“And just like Ms Zellweger, I also look like this because I’m dead”, said Jong-un’s statement. “You still love me, even though I’ve done a lot of cheese.”

 

Comments Off on North Korea reports Renee Zellweger looks different ‘because she’s dead’

Filed under News, Social media

Tributes pour in for Harold’s ‘shark whisperer’

shark whisperer

Ben doing what he (very, very briefly) loved.

People across the spectrum of animal training have acknowledged the tragic demise of Harold’s first ‘shark whisperer’.

Benjamin Evans always insisted that sharks were misunderstood, despite being giant, stupid fish full of razor-sharp teeth. Eschewing the shark cage in favour of speaking quite softly, Evans’ technique was radically different from the accepted norm.

Evans developed his technique after winning a goldfish in an online game of poker. As soon as it arrived, the expert felt drawn to the animal, and instinctively knew that it definitely spoke English.
Continue reading

Comments Off on Tributes pour in for Harold’s ‘shark whisperer’

Filed under Around Harold, Nature

SOLVED: The Mystery of Harold’s Deadly Aquarium

fish-silhouettePC Flegg has revealed that her investigations into Harold’s deadly aquarium have found the reason why so few fish survived in the new exhibit. Working with local fish expert Stephen Trawlerman and some tip-offs from Facebook, the culprit can finally be revealed.

“Asking Trawlerman to help proved to be a mistake”, said Flegg. “His  experience with fish proved to be of little help.” Trawlerman is well known as the owner of local chip shop ‘The Stephen Fryer’, but Flegg admits resident marine biologist Simon Parsons might have been a better advisor.

After extensive laboratory tests and thorough phorensic investigations, the breakthrough came from Lynda Mulrooney. Thanks to her ‘back-to-basics’ approach, the reason for the fish deaths was a complete absence of water.

“We’ve filled the tanks with sparkling Evian now, nothing is too good for a fish living in Harold”, said Flegg.

“Although in hindsight, looking after exotic animals might be beyond that idot Trawlerman. We’re currently trying to undrown his pet iguana.”

Congratulations, Lynda Mulrooney! You are Harold’s No.1 Top Detective! A binful of rotting fish is winging its way to you, so you might want to pretend to be out.

Comments Off on SOLVED: The Mystery of Harold’s Deadly Aquarium

Filed under Around Harold, Crime

Can you help solve the mystery of Harold’s deadliest aquarium?

fish-silhouette

Can you help balance the scales of justice?

A new village aquarium is already facing closure, after the majority of its exhibits were found dead.

Built with money from a European grant to put ‘a big fish tank in every community’, Harold’s ‘See Sealife’ Centre was intended to be the jewel in the parish council’s crown. But just hours after opening, fish of all sizes were found to be ‘lifeless and somewhat pungent’, and PC Flegg suspects there could be foul play at work.
Continue reading

Comments Off on Can you help solve the mystery of Harold’s deadliest aquarium?

Filed under Around Harold, Business, Crime