Tributes pour in for Harold’s ‘shark whisperer’

shark whisperer

Ben doing what he (very, very briefly) loved.

People across the spectrum of animal training have acknowledged the tragic demise of Harold’s first ‘shark whisperer’.

Benjamin Evans always insisted that sharks were misunderstood, despite being giant, stupid fish full of razor-sharp teeth. Eschewing the shark cage in favour of speaking quite softly, Evans’ technique was radically different from the accepted norm.

Evans developed his technique after winning a goldfish in an online game of poker. As soon as it arrived, the expert felt drawn to the animal, and instinctively knew that it definitely spoke English.

“He spent hours talking to that fish, it was as if he was controlling it with his mind”, sobbed his widow, Melba Evans. “Of course he didn’t ask it to do anything, because he thought that was cruel.”

“But he’d often claim ‘Bubbles’ was in his little pirate ship because Ben had told him it was OK. He did wonders building up that little critter’s self-esteem.”

Sadly, Evans only had one opportunity to practice what he’d learned in the wild. His first live run with a wild shark ended soon after some initial success. “As he slipped off the boat and sank towards the jaws of a great white, I could tell they were going to get on”, said Melba.

“It was going so well, but then something must have gone wrong. For 0.04 seconds there, we thought he had it under control.”

Despite Benjamin’s sudden demise, Melba has no regrets. “He died doing something he thought he’d enjoy”, she claimed. “Obviously that turned out not to be the case, in fact he spent the last few minutes of his life expressing regret in the noisiest of terms. But I like to think he did at least have a positive effect on the shark: it certainly looked confident, happy and full after the experiment.”

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