Victim said she would ‘probably keep the baby’.
The Lord God Almighty has been arrested by detectives investigating the historic impregnation of a virgin.
Following an anonymous tip-off, the supreme being was detained near a horse storage facility. He was in the company of three livestock managers and several foreign members of the aristocracy.
“A young man going by the name of ‘Jo’ informed us that his wife had become pregnant”, said PC Flegg. “Whilst at the same time insisting she was still immaculate.”
Mary claims that she was impregnated by the supreme being while visiting relatives a donkey ride away. “I was laying there, then he came unto me, and started moving in a mysterious way”, said the pregnancy victim. “Thinking about it now, I think he groomed me with an angel.”
Following on from an undercover Panorama reporter into the mistreatment of the elderly, Jeremy Paxman has admitted he can’t take it anymore and announced he is to leave Newsnight.
Disturbing scenes showed members of the Newsnight production team shouting at him and often reducing him to tears.
In one instance a junior researcher can be seen giving him a slap for complaining his latte was too sweet.
Come on out with your paws up
Tiddles the cat, described in court as a ‘notorious mouse molester’ was found guilty yesterday of harassment likely to lead to the grievous bodily harm of a fellow animal.
The trial was conducted without the appearance of the unamed victim, who is believed to be holed up, having gone into hiding, but legal representatives entered a guilty plea on behalf of Tiddles, 6, due to the overwhelming evidence against the feline felon.
Pope attributes his softening to age.
Pope Francis has revealed a softening on the Vatican’s homosexual position, insisting ‘you shouldn’t knock it until you’ve at least given it a try’.
Reflecting changing views in society and a new, more fluffy form of catholicism, the 266th Pope admitted he was partial to the odd ‘pink pound’.
“It’s a question of balance and including as many people as possible”, suggested His Holiness. “I’d be glad to be gay, although I draw the line at letting someone pop it in.”
There has been protests throughout Bahrain this week at the decision to allow a fierce and brutal dictatorship come and stage a race in the country. The FIA, Formula 1’s governing body, has been accused of ruling with an iron fist to create an environment of fear up and down the paddock.
The ruling parties main opposition, the Formula One Teams Association (FOTA), have been involved in a long battle to try to install democracy into the sport, but have suffered casualties along the way, with Eddie Jordan now being ritually humiliated on television as punishment for past signs of dissent.
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