Tag Archives: formula 1

by | November 13, 2015 · 10:00 am

Hamilton blames crash on road cars ‘being so much faster than F1’

Insurance assessors were quickly on the scene to add storage charges.

Insurance assessors were quickly on the scene to add storage charges.

Lewis Hamilton has collided with a parked car in a conventional saloon, after being caught out by its ‘breath taking’ speed.

“Obviously, my company car is a hybrid, and if I go too fast I might run out of fuel or my tyres could go pop”, claimed Hamilton.

“So when I got behind the wheel of a normal vehicle, I think I got a bit giddy.”

Hamilton had been trying to keep a Mercedes behind him at the time of the crash, but was held up by a parked car travelling at roughly the same speed as a McLaren.
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by | August 9, 2015 · 8:00 am

McLaren F1 sign up the late Fangio for the rest of the season

roflbot (10)In a bold bid to revive their moribund 2015 campaign, McLaren F1 have had Juan Manuel Fangio exhumed.

The legendary Argentian won five World Championships in the 1950s “…but we rather hoped he’d been buried in a Maserati 250F.” said McLaren boss Ron Dennis “Computer simulations show that it’s 3 seconds a lap quicker than our current car.”

Dennis was initially disappointed to find no car but soon cheered up “It turns out the Hertz van we hired is astonishingly fast. Even fully loaded with pick axes, shovels, soil and coffin. So we’ve hired it for the rest of the season”.

“And once we’d hosed him down” he added “Fangio looked a bit more lively than Jenson or Fernando so we signed him up too. We’re just a bit concerned that his level of activity might wake up armchair F1 fans on Sunday afternoons.”

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by | August 7, 2015 · 11:50 am

Jenson Button has watch stolen while asleep during grand prix

Jensonbutton

When he came in for a pit stop, we noticed his watch and helmet were missing

Jenson Button has been robbed while he was unconscious, after nodding off on lap 7 of a grand prix.

Jenson Button’s Formula 1 car has struggled for pace this season, to the point where his engineer has to scream ‘wake up’ every 35 seconds.

‘On this occasion, while Jenson was barrelling along at 38 miles an hour, we forgot to contact him because we were just resting our eyes’, said Ron Dennis.

‘ When he came in for a pit stop, we noticed his watch and helmet were missing. Continue reading →

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by | March 6, 2015 · 2:45 pm

Fernando Alonso’s beard woke up from accident “thinking it was 1975”

Alonso's beard woke up decades in the past

Alonso’s beard woke up decades in the past

Following his high speed accident in Barcelona last week, stylists have revealed Fernando Alonso’s beard woke up thinking it was 1975.

A proud wearer of facial fluff, Alonso went into turn 3 at the Circuit De Barcelona-Catalunya with a bit of morning stubble, but after colliding with a wall his beard came out having seemingly forgotten the past 40 years and slipped into a 70’s style.
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by | March 15, 2014 · 7:02 am

Noise free hybrid anteaters? Our guide to the new F1 season

Sebastian Vettel in the new Red Anteater

Sebastian Vettel in the new Red Anteater

A new Formula 1 season starts this week end with massive (or should that be Massa?) changes to the cars’ specifications. Here is our print out and keep guide:

Noses: All of the cars are required to have a nose resembling an animal. Most teams have settled on styling their snouts on crocodiles, anteaters and tapirs. No one has elected to go for an elephant’s trunk. That would be silly. Continue reading →

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by | October 7, 2013 · 7:00 am

Korean Grand Prix: “Good in parts”

wheel bomb

Some pit crews are reluctant to handle latest tyres

F1’s Bernie Ecclestone sounded cautiously optimistic after introducing a ‘random explosives’ feature at the Korean GP.

“Unfortunately, by mistake, the BBC had showed a short extract of MOTO GP on their F1 preview show. It was on for less than one complete lap but by then it was too late and our core audience had already seen more action than they expect in a whole season of F1.

The sponsors were naturally a little concerned and so, as an emergency ‘fix’, we agreed to deploy a number of small, secret incendiary devices on various cars to spice things up. All things considered it went quite well and we’ll definitely do it again.”

Nico Rosberg was the first ‘hit’ when his front wing disappeared in a spectacular shower of sparks. Sergio Perez then had a rather spectacular exploding tyre which, as an unexpected bonus damaged several other cars. This was closely followed by a fire in the mechanical gubbins of Mark Webber’s Red Bull.
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by | April 21, 2013 · 10:00 am

Evil dictatorship welcomed by Bahrain

f1 copyThere has been protests throughout Bahrain this week at the decision to allow a fierce and brutal dictatorship come and stage a race in the country. The FIA, Formula 1’s governing body, has been accused of ruling with an iron fist to create an environment of fear up and down the paddock.

The ruling parties main opposition, the Formula One Teams Association (FOTA), have been involved in a long battle to try to install democracy into the sport, but have suffered casualties along the way, with Eddie Jordan now being ritually humiliated on television as punishment for past signs of dissent.

Click here to get to the finishing line…

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