God arrested in historic sex offence inquiry

pregnant mary

Victim said she would ‘probably keep the baby’.

The Lord God Almighty has been arrested by detectives investigating the historic impregnation of a virgin.

Following an anonymous tip-off, the supreme being was detained near a horse storage facility. He was in the company of three livestock managers and several foreign members of the aristocracy.

“A young man going by the name of ‘Jo’ informed us that his wife had become pregnant”, said PC Flegg. “Whilst at the same time insisting she was still immaculate.”

Mary claims that she was impregnated by the supreme being while visiting relatives a donkey ride away. “I was laying there, then he came unto me, and started moving in a mysterious way”, said the pregnancy victim. “Thinking about it now, I think he groomed me with an angel.”

DNA tests have shown that her husband isn’t the father, although he is thought to be genetically identical to the defendant.

“He says he was ‘made in his image’, but we’re not ruling out incest”, admitted Flegg. “Lets be honest, there aren’t that many white families living in Bethlehem.”

The child, ‘Baby J’, has been taken into care by authorities. “Their house was dreadful, the makeshift cot was surrounded by animal excrement and straw. The only source of light was a cherub hanging from the roof beam.”

Police have seized ‘gifts’ thought to include perfume and a quantity of gold. “We don’t yet know for sure who the father is, but the parents’ story is riddled with inconsistencies. It does look like this could be a fraudulent attempt to obtain benefits.”

Comments Off on God arrested in historic sex offence inquiry

Filed under Around Harold, Christmas

Comments are closed.