Combined wealth: tens of millions. Combined empathy: zero
A Downing Street official has confirmed that the Cabinet are giddy with delight as they prepare to vote against pausing the rollout of Universal Credit which is predicted to push over a million children into poverty by 2020 and at least double homelessness. Continue reading
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Duncan Smith and his shadow. That’s our ‘is vampire’ theory blown.
Iain Smith is today recovering in hospital having had a major operation. The surgery to remove the final traces of his compassion is believed to be the first of its kind.
“Iain Duncan Smith was rushed to St Mary’s Hospital, Westminster last night after complaining of feeling unwell,” said a Downing Street spokesperson. “It is believed he saw a picture of a rough sleeper that was used to illustrate a report on the rise in homelessness and instead of laughing as he normally would felt a brief twinge of concern.” Continue reading
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Ian Duncan Smith insists Universal Credit wouldn’t pour money into a black hole.
The government’s much-maligned Universal Credit reforms have again faced stinging criticism, this time from the gaseous creatures of Earth’s closest neighbouring star system.
Keen to avoid another u-turn, Ian Duncan Smith wants to keep the name ‘universal’ while making sure as few people as possible are eligible to claim.
In a compromise thrashed out with the Lib Dems, the benefit will be opened up to all known galaxies, but only to sentient beings that have lived in the UK for more than two years and that can speak English, Latin and Plutonian.
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