by rickw |
January 5, 2016 · 12:00 pm
(White and gold on left)
A new picture of the dog wearing trousers made out of material from “the dress” has caused the internet to grind to a halt, as families fight bitterly and former friends stand divided over whether the dog would wear blue and black or white and gold.
“Society seems to have fallen into three distinct camps,” explained Evening Harold culture correspondent Piers Waghorn.
“Some people see the dog wearing blue and black, some see it wearing white and gold, and others see a bunch of wankers obsessing over a picture of a dog while our world slides rapidly down the toilet.” Continue reading →
You disgust me
New surveillance laws will see Theresa May turn up at your house, tut and shake her head disapprovingly if you have been looking at porn online.
The Home Secretary has unveiled the latest plans in the Commons today after initial proposals for her to follow you to work yelling “Pervert!” at the top of her voice were blocked by the Lib Dems. Continue reading →
Following a freedom of information request, the internet service provider which supplies broadband to the palace of Westminster has revealed what members of the two houses of parliament surf the web for during the really boring bits of government. Continue reading →
Filed under Badgers, breaking news, Labour, Politics, Sex, Social media, Society, Technology, Tony Blair, Tory sex scandal, Uncategorized
Tagged as Frank Pickles, Harriet Harman, Internet, parliament, porn, search, Westminster
by Perks |
December 24, 2014 · 7:00 am
A suspected hacking attempt has left North Korea disconnected from the Internet. The blackout leaves most of the people in the reclusive dictatorship asking ‘what’s an Internet?’
“I heard on the state news that the small and insignificant country America had attacked our internet, whatever that is,” one Pyongyang resident said.
“I was appalled and sincerely hope our supreme leader can fix it with his special fixing hammer. Then it can start doing whatever it is it does.
Continue reading →
by Max C-F |
July 29, 2014 · 11:00 am
Now we can all do this of an evening instead, whatever this actually is
There has been an unusual outbreak of happiness in Harold following the government’s decision to switch the internet off every evening in a bid to drive down energy consumption.
“I was afraid that I’d be lonely without the net at night,” local undertaker Carmen Hilton told us. “But now instead of slumping in front of Facebook either mocking or being jealous of one or two friends and dozens of random people I don’t know but friended anyway, I slump on my front step and feel the same about passers-by. It’s lovely, I’ve never had so much fresh air.”
“Having my own opinions is weird,” teen and enthusiastic gamer Simon Delaney confessed. “I mean if you watch something on TV and no one’s tweeting about it at the same time is it really happening, yeah? And I really missed playing Call of Duty before bed then I worked out screaming racial and homophobic slurs at the dog was just as much fun.”
Although the switch-off has not been in place long enough to have produced any data anecdotal evidence suggests that people are sleeping better and that newsagents nationwide have been given a boost due to the massive rise in sales of porn magazines.
by Golgo13 |
February 23, 2014 · 2:00 pm
Teachers now resorting to extreme methods to show kids how dangerous internet is
The Internet’s patience wore dangerously thin last night as yet another picture of an American 9th grade teacher holding up a sign was wearily shared on social media.
The exercise, supposed to warn teens of the potential risks of posting information and images online, has quickly become a tedious cliché and the Internet warned yesterday that we are close to the snapping point of its benevolence towards well-meaning junior high school teachers.
“OK, the first couple of times it was a fresh way to engage kids, and we all wanted to help them out – I’m sure the share and like numbers were very impressive,” commented a visibly annoyed Internet, “but I swear to god if I see one more of these bullshit copy-cat requests, I’m going to write a bunch of sarcastic comments or do a parody meme with cats. I haven’t thought it through yet, but it will be pithy and cynical,” the Internet added.
Continue reading →
by Max C-F |
April 25, 2013 · 11:30 am
The answer to life, the Internet and everything
Dan Brooks, office manager at Harold estate agents Lacrymans & Co, has inadvertently discovered the answer to the Internet by becoming the first person to view every page and click every link.
‘When I first went online in the late nineties there wasn’t much to see and then as the Internet grew I suppose I was just like everyone else,’ Brooks said. ‘I’d surf between a couple of dozen sites during the day then get drunk on Saturday nights and email poems about mince to my mother-in-law or buy fifteen kilograms of midget gems off eBay. It was all perfectly normal.’
However that normality ended six months ago when a serious typing error didn’t lead to a To The Manor Born fansite but a gallery of gerontophile porn and Brooks found himself on a journey to the furthest outreaches of cyberspace. Continue reading →
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