Tag Archives: porn

Government still full of wankers

The lot of them

Theresa May has reassured the public that despite the ‘resignation’ of Damian Green, the government is still wall-to-wall wankers.

In a stiffly-worded statement, May insisted that with the likes of Gove, Johnson, Davies and Hunt still around, you could hardly toss a brick in the cabinet without hitting a wanker, and that’s without even mentioning Liam Fox.

“It’s nonetheless a real jerk that Mr Green has decided he cannot wait a moment longer before shooting off”, she ejaculated wildly.

“When I first heard the news, I confess I was sitting there with my head in my hands, as, presumably, was Damian Green.”

“Nevertheless, I’m certain there will be a queue of ministers keen to fill his position. It’s an attractive role in my government, and after all, Green had just splashed out on a new desk.”

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‘Nothing to see here, move along’ says PM as whole social mobility board quit

I know what you’re doing under your desk. Just stop it.

Theresa May says there’s no story behind the mass resignation of the only team within government that has even a pretence of caring.

“Rather than criticising imperceptible progress toward a fairer society,” said Mrs May “why not just replay YouTube clips of my first speech as PM, when I vowed to tackle social injustice and inequality. ‘Where there is hope may we bring … no, not that. Err Continue reading

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Theresa May unveils plans to personally come and tut at you if you view porn online

You disgust me

You disgust me

New surveillance laws will see Theresa May turn up at your house, tut and shake her head disapprovingly if you have been looking at porn online.

The Home Secretary has unveiled the latest plans in the Commons today after initial proposals for her to follow you to work yelling “Pervert!” at the top of her voice were blocked by the Lib Dems. Continue reading

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Parliament’s favourite porn searches revealed.

David CameronFollowing a freedom of information request, the internet service provider which supplies broadband to the palace of Westminster has revealed what members of the two houses of parliament surf the web for during the really boring bits of government. Continue reading

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Filed under Badgers, breaking news, Labour, Politics, Sex, Social media, Society, Technology, Tony Blair, Tory sex scandal, Uncategorized

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Pencil making a check sign in a round cornered box. Isolated on white.

Harold authorities are planning a radical overhaul of crime and anti-social behaviour prevention techniques. In light of the Prime Minister’s recently announced plans to tackle on-line perverts by asking them if they wish to access porn before they access porn, Councillor Ron Ronsson has unveiled plans to replicate the strategy in a number of other areas.

In retail, shoppers visiting the Tesco Express on the high street will be asked when entering the store if they require access to alcohol and tobacco. Councillor Ronsson assures us he is almost certain someone somewhere has done a study to show this will reduce sales of these potentially harmful products. And Julie , owner of ‘Cuts Both Ways’, will be checking with all her customers that they want access to potentially sharp instruments before they are allowed entry to her scissor emporium.

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