Living the dream…
Albert Renfew, who died last night after being chased and eaten to death by an enormous badger made of cheese, was ‘living the dream’, friends have confirmed.
Renfrew, who possessed the unusual ability of having his dreams manifest as physical objects, was killed by the grotesque cheesy mammal in front of screaming shoppers in the High Street of the English village of Harold.
Sadly, Renfrew had long been plagued with bizarre, violent dreams involving dairy-mutated animal aggression.
“We were always telling Albert that it’s so important to make your dreams come true,” explained one friend today, “But we had no idea his dreams were so horrible.”
Authorities have pointed out that living the dream is still perfectly safe for most people, and have reassured the public that anyone who does not typically dream about huge slavering cheddar animals should be perfectly safe.
“For most of us,” explained an expert, “Dreams are associated with fame, vast wealth and the lumpy bits on the front of women. I know mine are.”
“Giant violent cheese badgers, on the other hand, are the sort of dream which should be lived under no circumstances.”
“We would advise anyone experiencing these sort of dreams to tread Caerphilly.”
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