Do you like cheese?
Are you a cheeseophile or a cheeseophobe? Or are you one of a number of people who are cheese-indifferent? Take our quiz and find out!
Q1. You are in the dairy aisle at the supermarket. Do you:
a – Buy a big slab of cheese
b – Buy a yoghurt (the flavour of which is unimportant to this test)
c – Say to a passing assistant ‘I am not fond of cheese’.
Q2. You are going out with some friends and it is your turn to choose which restaurant you attend. Do you:
a – Choose a pizza restaurant, a food of which cheese is a fundamental component
b – Choose a gastropub which serves a range of foods, some of which may or may not contain cheese
c – Book a table at a specialist restaurant for the lactose intolerant, that does not vend food containing cheese
Q3. You are taken hostage by a lunatic, hell-bent on feeding you cheese. You are blindfolded, the cold nub of his gun is pressed against your temple. Clearly crazed and desperate, he hisses ‘eat the f***ing cheese you c***, or so help me, I WILL shoot your brain. And then express an opinion on the meal you have just eaten.’ Do you:
a – Eat the cheese, and then say ‘I enjoyed that. Do you have any more? I would happily eat further cheese if it pleases you’
b – Eat the cheese, and then say ‘There are other foodstuffs that I prefer to cheese.’
c – Eat the cheese, and then say ‘I don’t like cheese, but I will eat it under duress.’
Q4. You have died. It turns out the Buddhists were right, and you can choose what to come back as. Do you choose:
a – A mouse (despite knowing that it is a myth that mice crave cheese, but you can’t think of another animal that likes it)
b – A dog, which may or may not be fed cheese
c – A whale, which given it’s ocean-based lifestyle is unlikely to come into contact with cheese.
Q5. Do you like cheese?
a – Yes
b – I can take it or leave it
c – No
How did you do? Time to find out!
Mostly a’s: you like cheese
Mostly b’s: you do not have a strong opinion on cheese. Perhaps you should buy more cheese, and see if it grows on you?
Mostly c’s: you do not like cheese. You should consider buying a great deal of cheese each week and then throwing it away.
*This quiz was sponsored by the Harold Chess Association.