The opening skirmish of Operation “Cock and Awe”…
Following yesterday’s courtroom revelation that Tony Blair advised Rebekah Brooks on how to tackle her phone hacking problem, the nation is breathlessly asking itself today whether that is the only tackle he helped her with.
Blair is believed by many to have been steadily working his way through the sexual conquest of the entire female staff of News Corporation, from the highest Chief Executive’s wife down to the lowliest News of the World editor. Wendi Deng, the former wife of Rupert Murdoch, allegedly developed a passionate obsession with him, and fiery redhead Brooks may just have been the latest woman to need urgent help with her briefs.
Asked on the Today programme this morning how he reconciled his strict Roman Catholic beliefs with his enormous sexual appetite, Blair insisted: “I think Jesus knows me well enough to know I’m a pretty straight guy. Very straight. Look, I drip heterosexuality, it’s a gift. You want me, don’t you?”
“I can be deployed inside any woman from here to Baghdad within 45 minutes,” he insisted. “Forget dossiers, if you want something sexed-up, I’m your man. Baby.”
While it must be stressed that the many reports of Blair’s sexual enormity have not been independently verified, it cannot be denied there is agreement on all sides of politics that the man is indeed a walking penis.
“I mean…look, c’mon guys…I know Cherie said on camera that I’m a 5-times a night man – I mean…well…it’s not a time for lovebites, but I do feel the hand of Savile on my shoulder…”