North Korea’s claim to have successfully tested a hydrogen bomb is in tatters after the discovery that the resulting 5.1 earthquake is exactly what would be expected from Kim Jong-Un jumping up and down a few times.
Initially it was thought the rogue state detonated a miniature nuclear device infused with hydrogen as calculations showed an explosive force equivalent to the Hiroshima bomb. But then scientists worked out that cheese fan Kim Jong-Un could generate an equivalent force by jumping two feet in the air a couple of times.
Analysts suspect what happened is that North Korea genuinely did try to test a nuclear device, but it failed and an angry Kim Jong-Un jumped up and down as he worked out who to blame and feed to his dogs. When the resulting earthquake happened, the North Koreans thought they would bluff their way through and claim a successful nuclear test.
British Defence Secretary Michael Fallon said although the hydrogen bomb claim has been debunked, the world should not relax.
“Our intelligence is that North Korea only has enough plutonium for 5 bombs at most, but they have entire warehouses full of cheese. Another year of Kim Jong-Un eating all that cheese and then jumping three feet in the air will make a hydrogen bomb look lame.”
“Only the ‘One weird weight loss trick’ can save us now.”
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