Category Archives: charity

by | June 27, 2014 · 7:00 am

Woman blames government for not noticing her neighbour died years ago

milkbottles

Neighbour also left a lot of clutter laying about.

A woman in Harold has slammed the government for creating the sort of uncaring society where a neighbour could lay dead for several years without being noticed.

Doris Kettle was clearly irritated by the disruption caused by fumigators and a team of police forensic scientists.

“It’s been nothing but trouble living here. Shortly after we arrived there was a weird bumping and clattering sound; then our Fred said he kept hearing a moaning, ghostly voice saying “I’ve had a fall and broken my leg, whoooohooo please call an ambulance …whooohooo.
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by | June 20, 2014 · 7:00 am

Charity shop full of unwanted England flags mistaken for BNP headquarters

charity shop

Some shop visitors find a flag in their size.

With England as good as out of the World Cup, a charity shop in Harold has been mistaken for a BNP outlet after receiving hundreds of old, unwanted England flags.

Doris Kettle works in the store for a few hours a week, and has been staggered by the response.

“Normally we find it hard to find volunteers, but since Friday morning we’ve been inundated with fat, tattooed, shaven headed men asking if they can sign up to ‘help the cause'”, revealed Kettle.

“Now that we have 15 on every shift I’m a bit scared to tell them the money goes to poor Africans.”

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by | June 9, 2014 · 7:00 am

Outrage as ‘inhumane’ tax demands installed outside affordable housing to deter bankers

anti-banker-spikes

Very uncomfortable

Following the news that ‘anti-homeless spikes’ are being installed outside posh apartments to prevent homeless people from sleeping in the doorways, further outrage has been provoked by the decision to place strategic arrangements of tax bills outside affordable housing to deter investment bankers.

The bills, for income and corporation tax, are embedded in the floor outside a block of flats in an area of East London. The bankers are naturally attracted to cheap housing to knock down and turn into luxury apartments, but the tax demands make the environment very uncomfortable, causing them to move on.

One resident, who wished to remain anonymous, told the Evening Harold: “There was a banker prowling looking for investment opportunities there about six weeks ago. Then all of a sudden these tax demands were put up outside.” Continue reading →

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by | May 12, 2014 · 2:00 pm

HMRC attempt to attract celebrities by applying for charitable status

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Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs have announced the are to apply for charitable status in an attempt to get “celebrities” to pay some contribution towards society.

The move comes as Gary Barlow joins Jimmy Carr and Chris Moyles to be threatened with the naughty step over their dubious tax affairs.

Lin Homer, chief executive of HMRC explained: “Trying to get these wealthy people to pay their fair share is impossible. We’re sure it’s because you don’t get any publicity for filling in a self assessment form.
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by | April 10, 2014 · 11:01 am

“Thanks for calling Samaritans. Press 1 for ‘I’m a bit sad …'”

tescotrust

We did find the ‘Samaritans’ logo but  we really like them and couldn’t resist the irony of: ‘Tesco, Charity & Trust’

A recent Government announcement means a big shake up  for all UK charities. “As a Conservative I detest the public sector as an article of faith but I loathe ‘something for nothing’ even more.” says charities minister Nick Hurd “So we’re nationalising bigger charities, before selling them on to friends, and generally buggering about with the rest. Sorry? Because we can, that’s why.”

Sadly, not all charities are easily monetised and Hurd cites Samaritans as the worst offender in this respect. “It’s almost as if the last thirty years of management analysis had simply passed them by. Basically they’re still just talking with people, which is plain daft and very labour-intensive”. Continue reading →

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by | March 22, 2014 · 4:52 pm

‘Brave’ men to go into work unshaven and dishevelled for bollock cancer charity

John Virgo - Everyday Hero

John Virgo – Everyday Hero

With over £2m raised by the recent “no make-up selfie” viral campaign, men are now being inspired to go even further to do their bit.

In the past few days, hundreds of thousands of ‘courageous and empowered’ women have posted pictures of themselves without make-up on social media, raising awareness for a charity, earning praise for their fearlessness, and inspiring the men working at Harold’s Knife and Scissors factory to do something – and now their idea has gone viral under the hashtag ‪#‎WeCanBeHeroes‬ .

‘We don’t wear make-up, but we knew that if we had the guts to do it, we could look a proper mess showing our inner beauty if we didn’t shave or brush our teeth for a few days,’ said Ben Chobham who helped come up with the idea. ‘Then things just snowballed from there!’

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