Category Archives: Business

New bail-out required after a run on the nation’s food banks

food bank QueueWith the financial crisis still rumbling along and belts being tightened enough to make Eric Pickles look like an hour-glass, a new crisis is emerging that is going to require another bail-out. Rumours of a lack of deposits has led to the country’s first run on a food bank.

With more and more people being forced to use the banks in order to feed their family, deposits in them are now running at an all time low. The charities are now looking for a bail-out to boost their stocks they hold from the government, or Asda.
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Filed under Business, Lifestyle, News, Politics

Opposition grows to intensive Panda farm

panda

Abattoir workers lure in a panda with scampi nik-naks and half a Bulmers

One farmer’s move into the lucrative ‘exotic meats’ market has drawn crowds of protesters to the village.

With people growing bored with eating cows, pigs and baby baa-lambs, market prices have seen a corresponding tumble. But thanks to local farmer Phil Evans’ efforts to intensively rear pandas, Harold’s gourmands have something new to chew over.

First-time visitors to Harold might not notice the food revolution straight away, but they’ll soon get the gist from the angry placards, and chants for Evans’ blood.

“From a distance, pandas do look a bit like stumpy, fat heifers”, explained Evans. “But look more closely, and you’ll notice that they’re useless, lazy twats.”

Evans faced a number of hurdles before he could get his herd ‘up and running’, although after a couple of days he gave up on that approach and now leaves them laying around, chewing sticks.
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Filed under Around Harold, Business, Farming

Villagers raise objections to ‘High Speed Bus 2’

High Speed Bus 2 'fucking stupid' claim residents

High Speed Bus 2 ‘fucking stupid’ claim residents

People in Harold have raised several objections to a high-speed bus route that will pass through the village.

‘High Speed Bus 2’ is intended to be a replacement for the original HSB, which was written off after supposedly sliding on discarded kebab meat. Remnants of that project can still be seen in a ditch just outside Harold, the coachwork heavily peppered with buck shot. Accident investigators are still divided on the incident.

“Harold doesn’t need a slightly faster bus service”, insisted Councillor Ron Ronsson. “Particularly as the bloody thing won’t even stop here.” Connecting the hamlet of Felching to the bus depot in Dunstable, Ronsson claims the case for a 3,000 horsepower bus is yet to be made.

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Filed under Around Harold, Business, science

Harold resident receives first petrol miss-selling scandal text

claim text

 

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by | May 15, 2013 · 3:30 pm

Advertisement Feature: Could you be entitled to claim back ‘SSI’?

Claim back your 30p

Claim back your 30p

Have you ever been to a well known burger restaurant? Did you have fries and a drink with your fast food? Have you eaten your chicken out of a bucket in the last 6 years. If you answered yes to any of these, then you could be entitled to a refund of your ‘Super Size Increase’.

Many fast food outlets have been mis-selling SSI for years, but new government legislation means you could claim back all of those 30p’s. You have been mis-sold SSI if you went extra large without needing it, wanting to, or not having the extra calorie information explained to you.

Call now and our advisors can tell you if you have a claim. We have already helped thousands of people who have been mis-sold SSI. Here is what some of our satisfied customers have said

Melanie, 24 stone from Margate says:

‘I have been going to these places for years and every time I ate there I went large. Nobody explained the consequences the extra 5 fries would have on me and now I’m morbidly obese. It has undone all the good work I have done ordering each meal with a diet coke. I have managed to claim back every 30p from the last six years. Yesterday I got my cheque for £17,000.’

Sarah, size 10 from Clethorpes says:

‘I am always asked if I want to ‘Go Large’. A few times I have taken them up on the offer, only to find out I could not manage that much food. Despite that they continued to mis-sell SSI to me every visit. I received a cheque for £1.20.

So why wait. Call us today and we will fight your corner to claim back your SSI. Why not also ask our helpful customer service advisor about our other services. We can help if you have been mis-sold PPI, had an accident in the last three years, or paid a commission to a claims company for something you could have done yourself.

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Filed under Business, Lifestyle, News

Advertisement Feature: Could you be entitled to claim back ‘SSI’?

Claim back your 30p

Claim back your 30p

Have you ever been to a well known burger restaurant? Did you have fries and a drink with your fast food? Have you eaten your chicken out of a bucket in the last 6 years. If you answered yes to any of these, then you could be entitled to a refund of your ‘Super Size Increase’.

Many fast food outlets have been mis-selling SSI for years, but new government legislation means you could claim back all of those 30p’s. You have been mis-sold SSI if you went extra large without needing it, wanting to, or not having the extra calorie information explained to you.

Call now and our advisors can tell you if you have a claim. We have already helped thousands of people who have been mis-sold SSI. Here is what some of our satisfied customers have said

Melanie, 24 stone from Margate says:

‘I have been going to these places for years and every time I ate there I went large. Nobody explained the consequences the extra 5 fries would have on me and now I’m morbidly obese. It has undone all the good work I have done ordering each meal with a diet coke. I have managed to claim back every 30p from the last six years. Yesterday I got my cheque for £17,000.’

Sarah, size 10 from Clethorpes says:

‘I am always asked if I want to ‘Go Large’. A few times I have taken them up on the offer, only to find out I could not manage that much food. Despite that they continued to mis-sell SSI to me every visit. I received a cheque for £1.20.

So why wait. Call us today and we will fight your corner to claim back your SSI. Why not also ask our helpful customer service advisor about our other services. We can help if you have been mis-sold PPI, had an accident in the last three years, or paid a commission to a claims company for something you could have done yourself.

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Filed under Business, Lifestyle, News

‘Incompetent’ vet confesses: ‘I did it for money and love of hurting animals’

badvet

Sick: vet bragged about exploits on social media

When officials first noticed all of Harold’s animals were missing, it didn’t take them long to point the finger at the new vet.

Arriving in the dead of night two years ago from a backwater suspiciously close to France, villagers were initially excited to find out that they now had ‘nurses for animals’.

But 24 months on there are no pets or livestock left, and the vet owns a new Bentley with a personalised plate.
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Filed under Business, Crime, News

Traffic chaos as pensioner causes pedestrian pile-up

police car copyThere has been chaos on the High Street following a serious collision involving three people on the northbound pavement. The accident left the pavement closed for 3 hours.

Police were called to the collision at around 9.43am outside the charity shop. Eyewitnesses say it was caused by local resident, 86-year-old Elsie Duggan, stopping suddenly for no apparent reason.

Although we understand there are no fatalities, two have been taken to hospital for what are described as “minor injuries” and another was treated at the scene by a passing first aider.

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Filed under Around Harold, Business, News

First time buyers flock to village with an ‘interest only’ in repossessed properties

Harold for saleThe village of Harold has seen a large rise in the amount of interest from first time buyers as a result of the latest financial ticking time bomb. The village has more interest only mortgages than anywhere else in the UK. The concern is that people will have not saved enough money to pay the final lump sum, leading to repossessions and cheap properties going to auction.

One hopeful home-owner explained “from what I have heard the whole village will be up for sale at this rate. I’ve got my eye on a nice three bedroom property at the moment, but I’ve heard rumours even the church could be up for grabs.”
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Filed under Business, News, Politics, Uncategorized