New bail-out required after a run on the nation’s food banks

food bank QueueWith the financial crisis still rumbling along and belts being tightened enough to make Eric Pickles look like an hour-glass, a new crisis is emerging that is going to require another bail-out. Rumours of a lack of deposits has led to the country’s first run on a food bank.

With more and more people being forced to use the banks in order to feed their family, deposits in them are now running at an all time low. The charities are now looking for a bail-out to boost their stocks they hold from the government, or Asda.

Unlike other ‘charity banks’ such as RBS, it is unlikely that the food banks will be brought into public ownership. This has led to fears that the banks will just be allowed to fail, which similar to a failing financial bank would leave many people without any dough, or rice, or bread.

The government has decided to take decisive action by opening an inquiry into the potential collapse of these now much-loved institutions. Having recruited more customers for the banks than anyone else, Iain Duncan Smith told the inquiry that the demand on the food banks had nothing to do with his decisions and more to do with the inner workings of the banks.

“We saw the same thing with the financial banking system” he told the inquiry. “These banks have been too busy lending each others cans of carrots and packets of super-noodles to realise that all of the food was now virtual food. It has nothing to so with people having no money, or help.”

This is something that has been denied by the head of one of the food banks in trouble. “What we have found is that the reason we are running out of stock is because government policy means more people are now using our facility than are paying in.

“However, and I never thought I would say this, but I do agree with IDS on one point” he continued. “This is the same as the run on Northern Rock. It has been caused by a few privileged people who will never feel the consequences of their actions, or ‘arseholes’ as we affectionately call them.”

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