Rail Company to introduce ‘Fart Class’ carriages

GuffsThe Greater Anglia rail franchise has announced plans to reserve a carriage for passengers who are unable to control their intestinal gas emissions.

A spokesman for the railway company,  who hope to eventually power trains from recycled emissions, explained the thinking behind the designation of a new flatulence carriage, for those already being dubbed ‘Fart Class’ passengers.

“Market research has shown us that the biggest bugbears that customers have to endure are delays, overcrowding and furtive farters. Of course, we can’t do anything about the first two so we thought we’d try to tackle the farting.”

“We had two real options, either to provide a flatulence free carriage or to have one especially for fluffers, keeping the rest of the train guff free. Eventually we decided to choose the second option. We see it as an extension of our quiet zone policy really.”

Although the announcement has been welcomed in most quarters not everyone is in favour of the scheme. Piers Allsop, a daily commuter from Harold into London blew a loud raspberry at Greater Anglia. “This is just an idea brewed up by their publicity department,” he said, recalling the golden era of the steam age.

It will blow over soon

It will blow over soon

“In the old days, if you’d had a curry the night before or beans for breakfast you could always sit in the smoking coach and grunt to your heart’s content. No one would be any the wiser. Nowadays, you have to try to keep it all in, or if you fail, glare at the middle aged baldy who is inevitably sitting opposite.”

The middle aged baldy sitting opposite Mr Allsop said nothing but looked accusingly at the lady fixing her make up in the adjacent seat.

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