The sun: wonderful yet ultimately deadly, just like cake
Today is the hottest day of the year so far. Thus we proudly present the following top facts about the big yellow bastard to entertain you as you swelter. And remember when the mercury rises to always wear sunscreen, to drink lots of water and that while dogs don’t like being kept in hot cars elderly relatives absolutely love it.
Sun-packed Fun Facts
1. The sun was discovered in 1836 by pioneering scientist Sir Hubert Sun. Before then everything was dark.
2. 40% of Americans believe that the sun is the warmth from God’s smile.
3. At night, it turns into the moon. Many primitive tribes still believe they are two different things.
4. FIFA chief Sepp Blatter has admitted that holding the 2022 World Cup there may be a mistake, due to the sun’s poor transport links.
5. Prolonged exposure to the sun alters your brain chemistry causing you to believe you look great in shorts when in reality the opposite is true.
6. The sun isn’t perfectly spherical. There’s a bit that sticks out, shaped like that mole on your back.
7. Potatoes are baby suns that haven’t yet hatched.
8. The sun does not have a hat on. That would be racist.
9. Staring at the sun isn’t bad for your eyes. It just highlights the absolute futility of your meaningless, pathetically short existence.
10. Strictly speaking, the sun is not a planet at all – it is a sun.
11. When the sun is very sad at what you are doing, he cries. This is called “rain”. The worse you are, the more rain you will get.
12. Everything in the solar system revolves around the sun, except Piers Morgan’s ego.
13. The sun is the only star with its own dedicated newspaper, which contains important news about the solar system, and tits.
14. The sun used to go to Australia at night but Tony Abbott won’t let it in.
15. The sun is so hot that if you tried to eat an ice cream on it the ice cream would melt before you even had chance to drop it down your shirt. This would be the least of your worries though, because you would have died a fiery death.