Police warn public ‘not to approach’ escaped animatronic penis


Police in Harold have warned the public to be on the look out for an escaped six foot animatronic penis. The man-sized phallus is not thought to be dangerous but does have a tendency to spout some unsavoury stuff from its head.

The penis was constructed by Harold Technologies Ltd and designed to help artificially inseminate elephants as part of a nature conservation project however there appears to be a fault in the programming.

“All was going well and we had made an animatronic penis capable of walking itself up to a female elephant and completing its task with little fuss,” the lead scientist on the project told us.

“However, a fault in the software meant the moment it realised it would have to go to Africa or India it became unreasonable, slightly racist and, like a camp version of the Incredible Hulk, escaped from the lab.

“The Farage1933 poses no direct threat to humans as its only weapons are its views but we know of one case where it might be responsible for boring someone into a coma.”

PC Flegg, who is leading the hunt said police believe the huge knob may be seen in pubs, smoking areas or UKIP meetings and have urged the public not to approach it.

“If you see the colossal cock call the police on 101 straight away,” PC Flegg told a press conference, “but whatever you do, do not approach it.

“It isn’t at all dangerous but some people have complained of sustaining serious hand injuries caused by the urge to continually punch the penis in the head”

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