There was a further blow to PM David Cameron’s pledges on immigration yesterday when it was revealed that the Romanian version of pensioners’ favourite, ‘Escape to the Country’, consistently promotes the England as the best country for economic refugees seeking a fresh start.
The show, which has become a cult classic at the GCHQ reconnaissance centre, follows a similar format to the British version but instead of looking at homes, prospective emigrant couples are shown around three countries, two meeting their exact specifications and then a mystery country which is a little different and always turns out to be England.
In the programme we watched, Natalia and Ovidiu Demestrescu from Bucharest told a Romanian Aled Jones that they were looking for a European country with character, period features and good social services to accommodate the six children they were planning. They had a budget of zero to play with.
Driven by the threat of the melting Arctic ice cap, beleaguered polar bears are being forced to abandon their natural habitat and adapt to new environments.
Many of the highly intelligent creatures have migrated to North America where, after a quick makeover, they are integrating into the native Brown and Grizzly Bear population. Others, as they head south, are finding themselves on the shores of Scotland where they are quickly settling into local communities.
The bears seem to have been able to slip into the country with little difficulty. “Poles, polar bears, and Romanians. They’re all the same as far as I’m concerned,” said one immigration official. “If they’re white, hairy and speak unintelligibly, they have to be allowed in.” Continue reading
Symptoms include rhythmic nipples, night sweats and mild Travolting.
The village of Harold is in the grip of a serious health crisis, with ‘disco boobs’ now infecting 35% of residents.
The outbreak has been traced to a single host: an infected out-of-town DJ at 40th birthday party in the Squirrel Lickers Arms.
“The function room was packed with heaving, sweating bodies”, said local GP Doctor Evans. “That’s the perfect breeding ground for diseases like Disco Boobs. I spotted the first symptoms when Eddie’s chest glazed over and started pulsing to the rhythm, but I was too late to stop it spreading by conga.”
The Home Secretary and the Prime Minister: run from them as you would the wolf.
Bună ziua şi Bine Aţi Venit la Marea Britanie!
Hello and welcome to Britain our new Romanian friends! If certain tabloids are to be believed then fully one hundred percent of you moved in shortly after midnight. To help smooth your transition from your old country to your new we have put together this handy list of the top ten things you need to know. Print it out, carry it with you at all times and consult it often.
Good luck and nu vă lăsaţi-i pe nenorociţi vă macină în jos. Continue reading