Tag Archives: sunshine

Lovely weather uncovers Britain’s miserable gits


‘I suppose this means I’ll have to have a bloody choc ice.’

Miserable sods across the country have been left ‘dangerously exposed’ by a recent bout of half-decent weather.

Most Britons tend to agree that there are several things to moan about, and few notice that it’s the same group of dour pessimists at the forefront of that moaning.

“That printer that always runs out of paper. The food van that only has gaps left where the sandwiches used to be by the time it gets to you. The way your children pretend to be out, rather than let you in to ruin their evening”, said PC Anita Flegg.

“These are all things we tolerate people whinging away at, we just sagely nod along. But complaining about the sunshine? I think these buggers have crossed the line.”

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Filed under Around Harold, Culture, Weather

Village struck by outbreak of ‘disco boobs’

disco boobs

Symptoms include rhythmic nipples, night sweats and mild Travolting.

The village of Harold is in the grip of a serious health crisis, with ‘disco boobs’ now infecting 35% of residents.

The outbreak has been traced to a single host: an infected out-of-town DJ at 40th birthday party in the Squirrel Lickers Arms.

“The function room was packed with heaving, sweating bodies”, said local GP Doctor Evans. “That’s the perfect breeding ground for diseases like Disco Boobs. I spotted the first symptoms when Eddie’s chest glazed over and started pulsing to the rhythm, but I was too late to stop it spreading by conga.”
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Filed under Around Harold, Health, Medicine