“The chicks love red”
Roman Catholics are reeling this morning, after revelations that a well-known Polish Pope’s bestie was what the Vatican is describing simply as ‘a woman’.
“No cock, no balls either.” agreed Vatican chief press officer, Federico Lombardi, who admitted he was baffled by the concept of friendship between two people of different genders.
“Nothing down there at all, as far, as we could tell, so obviously there was no sexual activity.”
“In any event, she was an adult, so we’re really struggling to find a motivation for the two liking each other”
Filed under News, Religion
Production line staff hard at work, cleaning up for Apple
“We at Apple are shocked to the core” said Graham Cross, after secret filming at Apple’s suppliers revealed repeated staff abuse. “But rest assured. Lawyers will be all over the BBC’s arse by Monday.”
BBC’s Panorama film showed workers so fatigued that they fell asleep during rest periods and even whilst operating machines.
Cross says although it’s common practice for workers to nap during breaks, he’ll investigate any evidence of sleeping at the workbench. “If it’s proved, then firm action will definitely follow. Wages will be docked. Guilty parties will first be named and shamed and then get a verbal warning: ‘Oy, Sleepy! Don’t doze off again!’ Only in Mandarin. Probably”.
Following on from an undercover Panorama reporter into the mistreatment of the elderly, Jeremy Paxman has admitted he can’t take it anymore and announced he is to leave Newsnight.
Disturbing scenes showed members of the Newsnight production team shouting at him and often reducing him to tears.
In one instance a junior researcher can be seen giving him a slap for complaining his latte was too sweet.
Apparently only one of these people wilfully refuses to listen to any opposing views for comedic effect.
Ahead of a Panorama documentary to be broadcast tonight which will show that the charity Comic Relief has invested tens of millions of pounds in arms, alcohol and tobacco companies one prominent recipient of Comic Relief’s largesse has leapt to its defence.
The warlord known as Tony B has says that he got a lot out of his association with the red nose. Continue reading
Regime denied statues ‘lean to the left’
A local economist ‘endangered the lives of journalists’, by infiltrating their group and penetrating the very heart of the BBC. That’s the claim from a union rep who handles the camera crews, sound recordists and script readers, who do the bidding of the shadowy regime.
Professor of economics Julia Hogsburn has often wondered about the inner workings of the BBC, and how so many inside the system believe what they’re told without question.
But living in Harold meant Hogsburn was unlikely to come into contact with anyone from the state broadcaster, because she lives over 40 miles outside the M25.