Mother of George, and Dragon.
All eyes will be on the Duchess of Cambridge this afternoon, as she takes up her rightful role of ‘Mother of Dragons’ during the royal tour of New Zealand.
Wearing a red Catherine Walker coat initially to hide her royal nuddiness, the sylph-like Kate will disrobe away from the cameras. She will then slip into something a little less comfortable, namely an 80-foot high funeral pyre.
“Tradition dictates that the Lady Regnant of the Wider Gene Pool shall smoke an unsavoury hag during the birthing ceremony”, revealed a nerd inexplicably dressed as a dwarf. “She’s chosen Celia Wade-Brown, the mayor of Wellington, after the comments she made on Twitter.”
This kid was rejected for being too damn cool
As the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge begin their tour of New Zealand and Australia the hunt for the most photogenic disabled or seriously ill children in both countries has intensified. It is a requirement of the tour that Kate is photographed hugging at least three sick or mobility impaired children a day and finding ones that fit the criteria laid down by Buckingham Palace is proving to be a tough job. Continue reading
Following years of research, scientists have conceded defeat and admitted they are unable to determine the point of New Zealand.
“Most countries have a purpose,” Mark Lamms, leader of the research programme said. “A ‘raison d’être’ if you will, like France’s ability to give us pretentious phrases to substitute for English ones. But New Zealand has yet to show us its unique selling point.”
Kensington Palace has announced that as part of his ongoing ‘King’ training, Prince George will join the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge on a first-class, all expenses paid trip to New Zealand and Australia.
“It’s not like he had anything else to to,” a palace spokesman told us.
“At the moment he just kind of sits there in a bouncy throne, with people feeding him and wiping his arse, and generally doing not a lot. So all in all his king training is going much better than we could have expected.”
Some are seeing this as yet another example of the Royal Family modernising with the parents of a royal child actually choosing to have him around.