Researchers still unable to determine the point of New Zealand


Following years of research, scientists have conceded defeat and admitted they are unable to determine the point of New Zealand.

“Most countries have a purpose,” Mark Lamms, leader of the research programme said. “A ‘raison d’être’ if you will, like France’s ability to give us pretentious phrases to substitute for English ones. But New Zealand has yet to show us its unique selling point.”

During the study, some things were highlighted to try and show the more unique side to the country. “We agree, doing the Haka before their rugby games is something that only they do” Lamms continued.

“But that is not a ritualistic Māori dance to intimidate the opposition as they claim. It’s just a way of distracting everyone’s attention away from the fact they have no reason to exist as a country.”

New Zealand is now the last country to have its purpose on the planet classified. Highlights of the study include; Japan being there to turn the 80’s technology programme ‘Tomorrow’s World’ into a culture; America’s primary purpose is to give George W Bush and Sarah Palin a safe home; and Britain existing to politely invade other countries, often at will, to see what they have to offer.

Even Switzerland gave the world their contribution of cuckoo clocks, chocolate and funny penknives, leaving New Zealand vulnerable to being mocked.

However, the fight back is on from the country to the left, or right, or maybe below Australia. The Prime Minister has said the country, or principality, or whatever it is has a lot to offer.

Prime Minister Gandalf explained: “New Zealand is a country that is probably rich in culture and I’m sure if we look hard enough some other stuff. It’s not all about the sheep to person ratio. Although admittedly we have a lot less going for us now Peter Jackson has filmed all of the books.”

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