Tag Archives: research

Everyone knows someone called ‘Simon Williams’, scientists reveal


Admit it, you know one, don’t you? At least vaguely.

Ground-breaking new research has uncovered the fact that the entire population of the planet all know, at least vaguely, someone called ‘Simon Williams’, it emerged today.

The revelation, which came about as an accidental discovery while scientists were doing something else, has already been tipped for the coveted Nobel Prize for advances in the field of Simon Williams.

“It all came about by a bit of an accident,” explained one of the researchers. “My colleague Bob was telling me a joke in the lab, and I just mentioned that my mate Simon Williams would like it. He mentioned that he had a friend called Simon Williams too, but it turned out not to be the same guy.”

“That got us wondering if everyone knew someone called Simon Williams, and when we asked the other two guys at work, they both did. So 100% then. That’ll be a million quid, thanks.” Continue reading

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Filed under Drugs, science

‘People who sleep have higher mortality rate’ research finds

Researchers from Dunstable University have released the findings of a study that shows people who regularly sleep at some point during a 24 hour period have a high rate of mortality, with the chances of dying at some point as high as a 100%.

The government backed study, which lasted 20 years and cost £50m, followed a sample group of 5000 people. 3500 people died during the study and 100% of them regularly had some sleep over the course of a day. However Prof Edwards who led the study said for the survivors the future doesn’t look bright.

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Filed under Health, News

Researchers still unable to determine the point of New Zealand


Following years of research, scientists have conceded defeat and admitted they are unable to determine the point of New Zealand.

“Most countries have a purpose,” Mark Lamms, leader of the research programme said. “A ‘raison d’être’ if you will, like France’s ability to give us pretentious phrases to substitute for English ones. But New Zealand has yet to show us its unique selling point.”
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Filed under International News