Everyone knows someone called ‘Simon Williams’, scientists reveal


Admit it, you know one, don’t you? At least vaguely.

Ground-breaking new research has uncovered the fact that the entire population of the planet all know, at least vaguely, someone called ‘Simon Williams’, it emerged today.

The revelation, which came about as an accidental discovery while scientists were doing something else, has already been tipped for the coveted Nobel Prize for advances in the field of Simon Williams.

“It all came about by a bit of an accident,” explained one of the researchers. “My colleague Bob was telling me a joke in the lab, and I just mentioned that my mate Simon Williams would like it. He mentioned that he had a friend called Simon Williams too, but it turned out not to be the same guy.”

“That got us wondering if everyone knew someone called Simon Williams, and when we asked the other two guys at work, they both did. So 100% then. That’ll be a million quid, thanks.”

“To verify just how unusual this phenomenon is, we looked at a statistically equivalent name – ‘David Smith’. Without getting too technical, ‘David’ is about as common as ‘Simon’, and ‘Smith’ and ‘Williams’ are again roughly equal in popularity.”

“And yet, I don’t know anyone called David Smith.”

The research thus far has been funded by dating site “WomenLookingForSomeoneCalledSimonWilliams.com”, which is apparently not as niche as you’d think.

The breakthrough has not been without critics however, many pointing to the relatively small sample size of four blokes working in the same place.

“This research is so flawed as to be absolute nonsense,” insisted Oxford University Professor of Statistics Simon Williams. “I don’t know anyone of that name, and neither do any of my friends.”

“Obviously that’s statistically because I don’t have any friends,” he admitted sadly.

Do you know someone called Simon Williams (at least vaguely?) Of course you do! Why not delight them by sharing this story with them?

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