Film-makers ‘bewildered’ at church service Star Wars ban


“Please, please let Harrison Ford be still cool”

Following the news that cinemas have banned a new advertisement for the Lord’s Prayer, Lucasfilm has has said it is “disappointed and bewildered” by the refusal of UK churches to screen the new Star Wars film.

Director J. J. Abrams called the decision “plain silly” and warned it could have a “chilling” effect on his pay check.

“In what is thankfully still a Star Wars-worshipping country, it seems perverse not to allow churchgoers to enjoy the movie during their spare time at the pew,” he insisted. “We’d turn the volume down a bit while the vicar was actually talking, so it wouldn’t get in the way at all.”

It had been hoped the film would be screened UK-wide in the middle of Christmas services, instead of the boring bit where they usually have kids holding candles and singing, but in a statement, the Church of England said it had a policy of not showing Star Wars movies in its places of worship.

“Not because of any risk of offending people,” a spokesperson explained, “It’s just that the last three were bollocks.”

Star Wars fans immediately condemned the decision, many pointing out that this year’s traditional all-night Easter Vigil at Westminster Abbey included a triple-header of all three Hobbit films, even though the last one was a bit crap.

Reports that this was because the Archbishop of Canterbury likes to take the robes home and play at being Gandalf could not be confirmed.

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