Cuts to officer numbers will severely affect the ability of undercover police to have illegal affairs with women they have befriended, senior police chiefs have told the home secretary.
“It is the worst possible timing to be cutting police numbers now, in the current climate when so many officers fancy a quick one with members of the public who do not know they are actually police,” the letter insists.
“Especially with all the other stuff going on at the moment, our officers are going to have to choose between illicit nookie and protecting the public from bad people,” it continues.
“The obvious result is that the terrorists will win.”
Police chiefs point out that undercover officers are already down to three shag-free days a week, and insist that any further cuts are not sustainable.
Theresa May is said to be privately in favour of empowering private companies to help fill the gap, a move which has been fiercely resisted by chief constables of every force.
“It’s the thin end of the wedge,” complained a spokesman. “If we let private firms handle the dodgy sex, where will it lead? Before we know it they’ll be taking over the racial discrimination and the selling information to the Sun.”
“But most of all, we’d miss the shagging.”