Prince George to continue ‘king training’ with first-class trip to New Zealand and Australia


Kensington Palace has announced that as part of his ongoing ‘King’ training, Prince George will join the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge on a first-class, all expenses paid trip to New Zealand and Australia.

“It’s not like he had anything else to to,” a palace spokesman told us.

“At the moment he just kind of sits there in a bouncy throne, with people feeding him and wiping his arse, and generally doing not a lot. So all in all his king training is going much better than we could have expected.”

Some are seeing this as yet another example of the Royal Family modernising with the parents of a royal child actually choosing to have him around.

“William and Kate are keen to show the world they are normal parents, just like those on Benefits Street,” the spokesman continued. “That’s why there will be at least one photo opportunity a week during the trip when they visit his apartment and take over from the nannies for an hour or so.”

The itinerary of the visit is set to challenge Prince George and his natural royal instincts. He will be meeting with Aborigines and Maoris on the trip in what is being dubbed ‘The Prince Phillip’ test.

“Although he is too young to use instinctively casual racism, he does have a habit of showing disdain through vomiting.” The spokesman revealed. “He does it every time Prince Charles tries to comfort him. Although that may be because he is holding him the wrong way round.

“But if he can restrain himself from doing the same to the natives, and resist the traditional colonisation, then we know he is on the right track.

“Hopefully all will go according to plan and he will be well received by the locals, but just in case he has already uttered his first words in preparation. If he comes across any republicans he will take out his dummy and with his gentle, gargling baby tones say ‘just remember, we f**king own you”.

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