It’s a monster!
Following German historians’ discovery that Adolf Hitler did indeed only have one ball, a team of testiculologists at the Albert Hall have announced the surprise discovery of the other one.
German historian Peter Fleischmann recently found medical records confirming that Hitler suffered from “right-side cryptorchidism”, but it was some time before anyone realised that this actually meant the hilarious one-ball thing.
Although the fascist leader’s monotesticularity has long been a cause of speculation, leading historians urged against leaping to conclusions.
A. J. P. Taylor, author of Triumph and Testicles, the Origins of the Second World War, argued that the Albert Hall link was far from proven, saying:
“While popular belief has it that the deficient testicle must be found in the Albert Hall, many other equally plausible theories exist.”
“For example, one respectable school of thought maintains that the Albert Hall idea is a red herring, and that research should instead be carried out into the notion that ‘Goering had two but very small’.”
Filed under DWP, idiots, News
You disgust me
New surveillance laws will see Theresa May turn up at your house, tut and shake her head disapprovingly if you have been looking at porn online.
The Home Secretary has unveiled the latest plans in the Commons today after initial proposals for her to follow you to work yelling “Pervert!” at the top of her voice were blocked by the Lib Dems. Continue reading
Painstaking research by Harold don, Professor Bethany Russell, has revealed that Henry VIII, famous for having six wives, was also a first class bricklayer who played an active part in the building of many of the great palaces attributed to him.
According to recently discovered papers, there was nothing he liked better after a hard day conducting the affairs of state, than to spend a couple of hours working on the intricate brick tracery of Hampton Court Palace with a trowel in his hand.
Safe pair of hands at first slip
Fresh from his announcement that World War One was actually a masterpiece of military planning, Education Secretary Michael Gove has now claimed that the Ashes tour was a ‘triumph’ for the England team.
“Left-wing defeatist commentators are trying to spread the myth that the Ashes tour was some sort of shambles, with under-prepared men sent to certain disaster by an out-of-touch elite,” he snarled this morning. “But let me tell you that good historians, such as myself, see the hostilities as necessary, and a price worth paying to show the Australians very clearly who’s the boss.” Continue reading
Filed under Politics, Sport