Junkies lured in by innocuous photos of ‘works’ can be addicted in minutes
Inspired by East London’s Cereal Killer Café, Harold’s resident Hipster Simon Delaney has set up the worlds first Haribo Bar.
Sporting a top knot, twirly tache and dressed like a tramp, Simon’s pop up shop can be found in Harold’s ‘East End’ of the high street, between the Methodist Church and the Library.
Stocking all your favourite flavours, Simon’s also sourced some of the funny foreign ones from Poundland. Continue reading
Brian: “More and more bloody hipsters, every bloody weekend…”
Harold’s squirrel population are united in their condemnation of hipster publication “The Tree Climber’s Guide”, a manifesto encouraging bored office workers to kick off their shoes and shimmy up the nearest trunk.
Written by old Harrovian Jack Cooke, a man some might say has too much time on his hands, the guide looks set to grace the bookshelves of many a modern city dweller who has forgotten the simple pleasures in life. There are suggestions that “How to play tig” and “Rolling down hills: a manual” are next to be published in the series.
Bishop Richard about to body-slam an invisible, clean-shaven priest
Clergy in Harold have been advised to grow beards to emphasise their commitment to hipsters, the Bishop of London has suggested.
Rt Reverend Richard Chartres said that Harold risks falling behind areas like Shoreditch, where bushy beards, lumberjack cassocks and artisanal breads at communion have helped Continue reading
Prime Minister David Cameron has spent the last few weeks secretly growing a beard in a desperate attempt to capture the ‘hipster’ trend sweeping the nation, it emerged today.
The real reason for Cameron avoiding the recent TV dates has been revealed to be nothing to do with being a great big coward with indefensible policies – instead it is simply that the Prime Minister has not wanted to risk unveiling his fledgling growth until its development is beyond ridicule.
“Our researchers tell us that this new ‘hipster’ movement is the key to really getting down with the young generation,” a Downing Street spokesman explained. “These young ‘hepcats’ are going to look at David’s facial hair and see something of themselves in it.”
The suggestion that Cameron might actually be a little bit late in jumping on the hipster bandwagon was rejected by the Prime Minister: “I’m hip and I’m hop, and if the beard doesn’t convince you, wait until you see my amazing new pair of red trousers!” he insisted.
These people have never paid less than £4 for a cup of coffee in their lives.
The process of making every community in the UK full of boutique coffee places, vinyl record shops, and self-styled creative hubs, but nowhere you can buy batteries or pants, has ground to a halt due to a shortage of hipsters.
Harold couple Oofy and Lysander Eastof say they are sad that they won’t be joined in the village by more people like them. Continue reading
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