Tag Archives: Germany
A massive super-fissure in the fabric of the universe was most likely caused by Brazil’s unprecedented thrashing by Germany, claim scientists at Jodrell Bank.
“The devastating effect of Brazil’s defeat should not be understated,” said Professor Brian Cox. “It almost destroyed the universe.”
The giant crack was first observed Tuesday evening and opened up wide enough to give astrophysicists an unparalleled view of a parallel universe.
“We sat awhile watching an alternative reality fixture between Brazil and Germany,” continued Cox. “The first 80 minutes were much the same as in our own universe, with Germany holding a 7-goal lead over the opposition. But matters took a different turn when the managers made their substitutions.”
England coach Roy Hodgson has come out of hiding to give his astonishing opinion on Germany’s 7-1 destruction of Brazil in last night in the World Cup semi-final.
Wearing dark sunglasses and a dazed expression which could have been down to too many Piña Coladas, sunstroke or simply age, the man who lead England to elimination after only two games maintained that his England team could easily have beaten Germany to secure a place in the World Cup final. Continue reading
Concerned by infrastructure delays surrounding next Summer’s World Cup, the German Football Association has announced that it is the early stages of constructing a gigantic towel to reserve the location of the team’s training base.
The under-construction towel, which is being built by a high-tech Munich weaving company, will cover 15,000 square metres of Brazil’s beachfront and will have black, red and yellow stripes and come pre-washed to avoid unpleasant early lack of absorbancy.
Initial hand-towels have already been completed, and a German fact-finding team have been sent over to Brazil to give these a dry run in the team’s hotel.
Joachim Low’s team have been drawn to play Ghana, Portugal and the United States, and are favourites to beat all of them down to the hotel’s buffet breakfast.
Not everyone is impressed by the Germans’ advance planning. The English FA has already lodged a complaint with FIFA, saying England was “Just about to build a training camp on that site, it’s a bloody liberty!” England manager Roy Hodgson angrily insisted “It really is a bit much, our builders came down there nice and early to find an enormous towel already being built. They’d hardly had breakfast!”
England Vs Germany is one of the oldest football rivalries in football, so even though this game was a friendly, for the fans it means so much more. For the officials however, it is a game that needed to be handled sensitively which is why although it was all supposed to kick off between 19:39 and 19:45, they opted for a less controversial time of 20:00.
Wearing their traditional white strip, England kicked off against a Germany in green and white. England started well despite playing the first 5 minutes with ITV pundit Andy Townsend on the right. This misunderstanding was soon corrected and he was replaced with the intended Andros Townsend, which was a shame as Andros’s punditry was of a much higher standard than Andy’s
Following a disasterous number of blow-outs during this weekend’s British Grand Prix, engineers at Pirelli are urging the FIA to avoid tight corners until they can work out how to make tyres.
“From reviewing the footage of Hamilton’s tyre failure, we were able to ascertain that he was driving quite fast”, explained Pirelli’s marketing chief Lorenzo Capellini. “And to be honest, anyone trying to go round a corner like that is definitely asking for trouble.”
With speed and cornering both identified as culprits, Pirelli think they’re close to finding a solution. Computer simulations have shown that either a very slow race or one in a fairly straight line would be reasonably safe, as long as they change tyres every three or four miles.