The village is divided this evening on whether or not today is the day you can eat and booze like Falstaff on a bender without being accused of self-harm.
Tag Archives: food
Medical experts are calling for greater awareness of the ‘5 second rule’, the safe time limit for eating food after it’s fallen on the floor.
The campaign comes after the death of a man who ate a gravitied Hobnob, that had been on the carpet for over a quarter of a minute.
“Some jokers seem to think these rules don’t apply to them”, said Harold GP Doctor Evans. “Eating floor food after 5 seconds has passed can easily kill you. Or failing that, make you stronger.”
Have you ever wondered how to dispose of excess cooking fat without clogging the sewers or your arteries?
Do you wish you George Foreman grill could be a ‘lean, green, death reducing, smugness machine’?
Well, Harold council have the solution to all your problems this winter with their new
‘Recycle Your Fat And Save a Skinny’ campaign
‘We put a monkey in space, a man on the moon and a robot on Mars,’ said NASA boss Charles Bolden, ‘so why, I asked myself at breakfast this morning, can I not open this pack of fry ham?’
While he pulled and twisted the little tab on the corner of the packet and even tried to separate the plastic film from the tab itself with his fingernails, his hash browns had caramelised in the pan to such an extent that a layer of Teflon switched allegiance to form a new chemical compound. Ultimately, Bolden was left with no option but to stab at the bacon packaging frantically with the kitchen scissors in a convincing re-enactment of the shower curtain scene from Psycho. ‘That’s when it struck me,’ he continued, ‘maybe it is rocket science after all.’ Continue reading
A recent survey has found that Britain’s favourite meal is whatever somebody else is eating. The aroma of somebody else’s food, that you can’t quite place but smells great, beat traditional favourites such as fish and chips, curry, and unspecified meat kebab to the number one spot.
“Can you smell that coming from next door? I can’t tell what it is; it could be oven chips and a pasty from Iceland with precisely zero nutritional value for all I know, but I’m not cooking it and it smells nice. I want it.” said Ian Jenkins, one of the people surveyed.
Food & Drink with Miles Anour
I was invited to a BBQ recently. The text specified that I should bring my own food, drink, something to sit on etc. Rather than being invited to a party, it seemed that I had to bring my own party with me. In fact, I had to take everything other than a roll of turf to sit on.
A special barbeque doesn’t happen by accident. Hosting the perfect barbeque carries serious responsibilities. Here are my top tips on how to put on the BBQ that everyone will relish.
If you’re expecting me to give you some poncy recipe with Maldivian pesto and pomegranate seeks then you’re going to be disappointed. My message is keep it simple. Any shortcomings in the quality of the food you provide can be covered up by ensuring that the booze keeps flowing. Continue reading
But followers are now doubting his credibility as an ‘actual human being’, because the image shows him forcing a Big Mac in his ear.
“It’s perfectly normal to attempt to obtain energy from processed animal matter, while being uploaded with an inspiring new speech”, mouthed Ed Miliband.
Food & Drink with Miles Anour
Like many other people, my day always starts with a cup of coffee. Admittedly I start my day several hours later than most people, but that’s due to the heavy research that a professional writer, like what I am, has to undertake.
So there I am, standing in the queue trying to reconstruct the hazy segments of the previous evening when I hear the following grating order from a customer.
“Could I get a grande dry cappuccino?”
I have BIG ISSUES with this seemingly simple request. First, what goes the customer mean by the phrase ‘could I get’. Does he wish to serve himself? Make the barista redundant, perhaps? Surely he either means ‘Could I have?’ or ‘Could you get?’ Continue reading
Food and Drink with Miles Anour
There’s a lot being written about the 70th anniversary of the Dambusters wartime air raid. There is no doubting that the men who carried out this mission were heroically brave, but the prospect of near certain death was compensated for a little by the high standard of in-flight catering in those days. I mean, compared to EasyJet or similar frightful flight providers.
For a start, refreshments and meals would have been included. I’ll bet the crew didn’t have to pay their in-flight butler extra for a measly coffee, peanuts or a Mars bar. And I know for a fact that they started stuffing their faces from the moment the pilot called out ‘chocs away’. I’ve seen the old films.