Top Tips for the perfect summer BBQ

Food & Drink with Miles Anour

Put some bang into your bangers

Put some bang into your bangers

I was invited to a BBQ recently. The text specified that I should bring my own food, drink, something to sit on etc. Rather than being invited to a party, it seemed that I had to bring my own party with me. In fact, I had to take everything other than a roll of turf to sit on.

A special barbeque doesn’t happen by accident. Hosting the perfect barbeque carries serious responsibilities. Here are my top tips on how to put on the BBQ that everyone will relish.

If you’re expecting me to give you some poncy recipe with Maldivian pesto and pomegranate seeks then you’re going to be disappointed. My message is keep it simple. Any shortcomings in the quality of the food you provide can be covered up by ensuring that the booze keeps flowing.

Forget salads. Salads and cooked meat don’t mix. Ask any rabbit! Salad at a barbie is as useful as a thong in a convent. If someone insists on salad (and there is always one), tell them to help themselves to leaves from the plants in the garden. It’s all the same thing.

A BBQ is one of the few occasions when a bottle of Rosé is any good. Stock up and stick it in the fridge for 8 hours before serving. Same goes for the beer.

Personally I don’t approve of the baby bath full of icy water routine for keeping your drinks cool. This is mainly because I once tried to drink the entire contents of one for a bet after an especially relaxing BBQ and very nearly choked on a bottle top that had been casually tossed in there by some tosser.

Dress Code
Some people has suggested that I’m a bit of a chauvinist when it comes to the dress code for the perfect BBQ. If the weather continues in the current Aussie mode then the ideal is that the Sheilas wear as little as possible. Under no circumstances should this apply to the Bruces. There are few things more distasteful than having some bloke displaying his six pack at the same time that you are contemplating breaking into another six pack.

Skimpy female attire paves the way for conversation and the inevitable comments about baps, buns and sausages which become funnier as the afternoon progresses [See Drink above].

The Barbeque itself
Not only is the barbeque the altar of the feast, but it is also the symbol of masculinity second only to the automobile and the 72 inch wide screen TV. Lads, don’t believe the propaganda about quality. Size does matter! And if you can have a barbie with multi grills, burners and full calor you’re really cooking with gas.

Next Week: Weather, the guest list and how to deal with vegetarians.

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