David Cameron’s expected announcement that all UK internet providers will block access to pornography has sparked a panic amongst men across the country, all trying to come up with a genuine-sounding reason for asking for it to be unblocked.
Any new customers will automatically have family-friendly filters enabled and existing customers will be contacted and asked to decide whether to activate filters or not.
“That’s going to be an awkward conversation with the wife isn’t it?” said father of two, Steve Smith, from Harold, “We get an email offering to automatically block any porn on the internet and I’ve got two young kids who are just starting to use the computer, it should be a no-brainer right?”
“Which means that I’m going to really struggle to say that we want to keep it and come out of this looking good.”
Smith, like many others, is now hoping that the move will be delayed for long enough for somebody to come up with a plausible reason for keeping filth accessible, and to share that excuse with his fellow men.
“The best idea I’ve managed to think of so far is claiming that I need access to it to research a project we’re doing at work. But given that I’m an accountant I don’t think she’s going to fall for that one.”
“If I can’t come up with something in time that isn’t going to lead my wife to believe that I’m secretly some sort of pervert then I guess I’ll just have to bite the bullet and lead a more clean and wholesome life.”
“I’ll still be able to access it on my smartphone anyway right? What? Oh you have got to be kidding me.”
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