Tag Archives: coffee

by | March 23, 2015 · 7:00 am

Race campaign tea shop raided by hate police

grubby cup

Campaign ‘left bad taste in the mouth’

A tea shop in Harold has been vilified on Twitter, after a racial equality promotion descended into farce.

Mick Clarkson, owner of the ‘Brew-ha-ha Tearoom’, claims he was trying to create a utopia when he gave his staff some permanent markers.

Unfortunately, police were called and two Moldavian workers arrested, after racist slogans were spotted on customer’s cups.

“We are not racist, we like at least one person from other side of village”, claimed Nikolai Spitz. “And we do not hate everyone else as has been suggested.”

The row erupted after Ron Ronsson was served a latté with the phrase ‘Some Kosabians wipe properly’ written roughly where his lips would have been.
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by | June 30, 2013 · 2:00 pm

Local man’s ‘homemade’ civet coffee beans a big hit with unsuspecting public

coffee

This story really relies on you knowing where “civet coffee” comes from…

Lovers of fine coffee in the village of Harold are flocking to sample the aromatic blends of local entrepreneur and alcoholic Reg Boggis, who is delighting the locals
with his personally ‘homemade’ civet coffee beans.

For those not in the know, civet coffee beans are unusual in that they have passed through the digestive system of the civet, a nocturnal cat-like mammal
native to tropical Asia and Africa. The animals digest coffee berries but not the beans inside, which are passed into the “fecal matter”. In words of one syllable, the beans are shat out by the animals and then harvested. The enzymes in their stomach acid help produce a bean that is sought-after for its smooth, caramel-like taste, and can fetch over $1000 per kilo from the richer sort of Guardian reader.

Seeing the opportunity for marketing a boutique coffee in the village’s trendy cafe scene, Boggis was at first discouraged by the absence of civets from Harold’s native fauna, and all attempts to persuade his tabby cat Ernie to eat coffee beans ended in savage failure.

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by | May 22, 2013 · 3:36 pm

Dry cappuccino or cup of foam?

Food & Drink with Miles Anour 

Can I get an dry extra arid foamy cappuccino?

Can I get an dry extra arid foamy cappuccino?

Like many other people, my day always starts with a cup of coffee. Admittedly I start my day several hours later than most people, but that’s due to the heavy research that a professional writer, like what I am, has to undertake.

So there I am, standing in the queue trying to reconstruct the hazy segments of the previous evening when I hear the following grating order  from a customer.

“Could I get a grande dry cappuccino?”

I have BIG ISSUES with this seemingly simple request. First, what goes the customer mean by the phrase ‘could I get’. Does he wish to serve himself?  Make the barista redundant, perhaps? Surely he either means ‘Could I have?’ or ‘Could you get?’ Continue reading →

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