Laid-back protesters campaigning for energy conservation.
Harold’s Dr Evans has been selected to help trial a new combined health and domestic fuel supply initiative for people suffering from conditions such as obesity and laziness, based on the same technology used in fracking for shale gas.
“Government scientists think there could a lot of re-useable trapped energy in the bodies of people who don’t get enough exercise,” said Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt, “especially the ones who are out of work and claiming benefits. Fracking fat, lazy people for the wasted energy they have selfishly trapped inside themselves is one way of helping them to give something back to society.”
Have you ever wondered how to dispose of excess cooking fat without clogging the sewers or your arteries?
Do you wish you George Foreman grill could be a ‘lean, green, death reducing, smugness machine’?
Well, Harold council have the solution to all your problems this winter with their new
‘Recycle Your Fat And Save a Skinny’ campaign
What goes up, must stay up.
In an attempt to avoid increasing energy bills, Harold resident, Julie Kettle, has found herself back with her original energy provider after assiduously following Government advice by changing suppliers six times in three weeks to take advantage of the apparent competition.
“At the start of this my provider was SSE,” said Mrs Kettle, “so I was rather distraught when they announced that they were pushing up their bills by 8.2%. The last straw for me was when they announced that their Economy 7 tariff was now going to become ‘Economy 7.57’ in line with the price rise.” Continue reading
Cold? Frankincense? Brrr.
Britain’s freezing pensioners, children and other humans are putting their Christmas lists together early this year – and there’s just one must-have item on their minds: a lump of coal.
As energy prices soar for the 238th consecutive week, many in the UK have forgotten what it’s like to feel their feet. With many families ripping out their gas pipes, selling them to gypsies and using the proceeds to switch a light on for an hour, the thought of a string of Christmas lanterns is too much to bear.
“Struggling families face a stark choice this year”, explained Harold’s vicar Tansy Forster, “between having something to eat, or switching the heating on. Fortunately, coal can satisfy both of these desires: it’s flammable and not all that undelicious if you use it to make a smoothie. But remember that legally, you mustn’t call it ‘Coke’.”