Tag Archives: Doctor Who

New Star Wars movie to feature first male Wookiee

We would.

Producers of the upcoming Star Wars film have shocked moviegoers with the news that, unlike in all the previous episodes, the next generation of the Wookiee character in The Last Jedi will be male.

Some have seen this as a brave move, given that the iconic “Chewie” character was, of course, a girl, with the typical female Wookiee’s menacing grunt, but many fans are disappointed that the producers have changed what was seen as a well-established tradition.

“I’m not sexist, but this is just inverse political correctness gone mad,” complained one fan. “Everyone knows Chewie was a girl. And good-looking. Er, for a Wookiee.”

“Well that’s my childhood ruined,” complained another fan. “Nowhere in the original movies does it say anywhere that Wookiees can be male. Some things you don’t mess with.”

“What next, a male R2-D2?”

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“Don’t worry, lads. Our leader will always be a man,” says English Labour Party

Ugh, a woman as the Doctor. How Tory is that?

Labour have offered comfort to men so incensed by Doctor Who now starring someone who doesn’t have a musket-and-bandoliers swinging about between their legs that their own are in danger of falling off through sheer rage by assuring them that the leader of their party will always be a man. Continue reading

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“Bollocks to it, you sort it out” PM asks the Doctor to fix everything

Nardole, the Doctor and Bill: we’ve more faith in these three than we do in Rudd, May and Johnson

With the threat level at Gadsbudlikins! and the NHS on its knees plus Debatable being on all the damn time, Theresa May has ceased to be strong or stable and asked the Doctor to make everything shiny again.
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Brian Sewell ready to take on Doctor Who role if Scotland votes ‘Yes’

Dr Sewell

Brian Sewell has had the Tardis fitted with a library.

Brian Sewell has revealed that he’s been secretly reshooting the current series of Doctor Who, so Peter Capaldi can be dropped if Scotland votes to leave the UK.

For constitutional reasons, Scottish people will not be allowed on the BBC if Scotland becomes independent. They will join the French and the Germans on an internal list of ‘undesirables’.

But the scheduling of the eighth series of Doctor Who couldn’t have been worse for the corporation – if Scotland votes yes, Capaldi will be out before episode 6 has been aired.

“Obviously we won’t have time to film a ‘regeneration’ so we wanted to find someone else who was rude, elderly and pompous”, said the BBC’s Steven Moffat. “Brian Sewell immediately came to mind, so we drugged him and dragged him to the studio.”
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Violence erupts as man admits he doesn’t believe in Doctor Who

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He looks real to us. Ever so much more so than that whippersnapper he’s replacing.

There was violence on the streets of Harold this morning when Edward Wightman, a newcomer to the village, admitted that he didn’t believe in Doctor Who and said that the Christmas special was “just a story made up to entertain children and the credulous of any age”.

Almost at once he was seized upon by outraged villagers intent on taking him to the recreation ground and while their intentions were not quite clear we understand that they would have been rather messy and painful for Mr Wightman however once the crowd had formed it swiftly became riven with factions and violence broke out. Continue reading

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Doctor Who anniversary: geeks celebrate fifty years of being bullied

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Ah virginity, we remember it well.

This weekend Doctor Who fans across the country are gathering together to celebrate fifty years of being bullied and to watch the new episode of Doctor Who before endlessly debating whether it fits into canon or not with a humourlessness and attention to minute detail not seen since the Chilcot Inquiry.

“It’s a great moment,” lifelong ‘Whovian’ Stew Holden told us. “I’ve been bullied for loving Doctor Who since the seventies and here we are in 2013 still being mocked for being sad obsessives with no lives. Though Mum and Dad have promised to do that less from now on and in return I’ve promised to think about moving out before I’m fifty.” Continue reading

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David Beckham delighted to be new Doctor Who

The Doctor's new less-elaborate costume is going to result in some horrific cosplay.

The Doctor’s new less-elaborate costume is going to result in some horrific cosplay.

David Beckham has spoken of his delight on being chosen to be the twelfth Doctor Who.

“I am well pleased,” he said. “It was a bit hard to keep it a secret but Victoria wasn’t that bothered. She doesn’t watch science telly, finds it a bit too deep.”

Despite the Doctor being a huge role for any actor let alone one without formal training in his first professional job Beckham is confident he can excel.

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Doctor Who announcement: BBC lose rights to BT

20130804-061149.jpgWith the impending retirement of Matt Smith as Doctor Who, the BBC have commissioned a special, one-off programme to be aired this evening that will announce they have lost the broadcast rights to the cult sci-fi classic.

Following in the footsteps of football, rugby and MotoGP, in-depth coverage of the time-lord’s antics will be fronted by Jake Humphrey on BT’s new television channel.

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BBC announce Doctor Who Ramadan special

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Nothing is more British than this

The BBC announced today that it is to broadcast a special episode of family favourite Doctor Who to coincide with start of Ramadan on 9th July. The exact details of the plot remain a closely guarded secret but it is understood that the Doctor will make a new acquaintance and share the meal that breaks their daily fast – iftar – with them and their family.

“There have been and always will be Christmas specials of Doctor Who,” said Paul Regan, a spokesperson for the show. “But as someone who travels throughout space and time the Doctor has of course witnessed many different religious festivals so this year we are showing him getting involved in one as well as reflecting a part of the hugely diverse Doctor Who audience.” Continue reading

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Tom Cruise revealed as new Doctor Who, Daleks to be shortened

doctortom

Daleks ‘stumped’ by charismatic, short new Doctor.

Actor Tom Cruise was said to be ‘ecstatic’ this morning at the news that he is to become the next Doctor Who, following the decision by Matt Smith to leave the series after three years.

“I can’t explain how excited I am to find out that, unknown to me, I am the twelfth incarnation of the Doctor, thus at last freeing me from this Earthly domain to roam amongst the stars,” he confessed to Hollywood journalists this morning.

“I’d always suspected that I was not from this planet, but instead from somewhere like Gallifrey, where people aren’t afraid to tell the truth and everyone is slightly shorter than they are here.”
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