Violence erupts as man admits he doesn’t believe in Doctor Who


He looks real to us. Ever so much more so than that whippersnapper he’s replacing.

There was violence on the streets of Harold this morning when Edward Wightman, a newcomer to the village, admitted that he didn’t believe in Doctor Who and said that the Christmas special was “just a story made up to entertain children and the credulous of any age”.

Almost at once he was seized upon by outraged villagers intent on taking him to the recreation ground and while their intentions were not quite clear we understand that they would have been rather messy and painful for Mr Wightman however once the crowd had formed it swiftly became riven with factions and violence broke out.

The main conflict was between three opposing groups of Doctor Who fans: those who think the old pre-noughties series are the only ones worth watching, those who only watch nu-Who and those who watch both. There was also a tiny but highly vocal group who refused to acknowledge the existence of anything but the two Peter Cushing films.

“I am absolutely sickened by what I’ve seen today,” Mr Wightman told us. “I didn’t say that I didn’t enjoy Doctor Who, and I do, I look forward to the special every year. I just don’t happen to believe that it’s real and you don’t see me going around attacking people over it. I thought the message of Doctor Who was that peace is better than violence.”

However the mob seemed unrepentant and while no one wanted to speak to us on the record several told us that they’d enjoyed a decent scrap and that it was especially good to do something active and blow away a few cobwebs before going to St Paul’s for the Nativity service.

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