Sturgeon carries Miliband over the line.
Nicola Sturgeon is encouraging Ed Miliband to choose a ‘safeword’, which would let her know when he wants her to stop fucking him.
“We’re having a lot of fun with our power games”, said Sturgeon, “but I sense a bit of reluctance on his part. And that might be because we haven’t set out the boundaries.”
Sturgeon has felt a surge in her ballot box recently, although she worries that it may be at the expense of her partner’s enjoyment. For his part, Miliband still insists that he is capable of coming first.
With Labour seemingly reluctant to rule out doing a deal with the SNP to secure a coalition after the next election, the Conservative party have come under equal pressure to rule out doing a deal with the Devil to stay in power for five more years.
Speaking about his upcoming budget, George Osborne was asked whether doing a deal with the Devil would be a line the Tories were willing to cross.
“Obviously it is our intention to win the the election outright,” Osborne said, “but should the situation arise that the only way we can get across the line is to make a pact with the leader of Hell then so be it.
Not to be outdone twice in a week, Downing Street has confirmed that Prime Minister David Cameron hung up on yet another hoax caller claiming to be someone important while also claiming to be Nick Clegg.
“It was an obvious hoax, and they’ll have to do better than using the words Clegg and important in the same sentence if they want to catch me out,” a gleeful Cameron said. Continue reading
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In an embarrassing moment at the Liberal Democrat conference, leader Nick Clegg ‘did a Miliband’ and forgot a major detail in a speech – the last four and a half years.
“The Tories have run this country into the ground since the last election”, he told delegates.
“Raising tuition fees, not funding free school dinners properly, and having a deputy prime minister more interested in power than doing the best for the country shows they can’t be trusted for another five years.
With laws coming into effect today making forced marriage illegal, Nick Clegg has found himself desperately searching for other excuses to remain a Tory after the next election.
“It seems he will no longer be able to use the ‘they made me do it’ card,” the BBC’s Nick Robinson explained.
Edits to a Wikipedia page that described Nick Clegg as ‘funny, bright, and full of testosterone’ have been tracked to a government PC, his.
The changes which included lines saying he was ‘well respected within the coalition’ and ‘an honest man, true to his word’ have now been corrected, but questions are being asked into who made the incorrect statements.
“I know they have tracked the changes back to my computer, but I promise it wasn’t me,” Nick Clegg told reporters.
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