Sturgeon urges Miliband to choose ‘safeword’


Sturgeon carries Miliband over the line.

Nicola Sturgeon is encouraging Ed Miliband to choose a ‘safeword’, which would let her know when he wants her to stop fucking him.

“We’re having a lot of fun with our power games”, said Sturgeon, “but I sense a bit of reluctance on his part. And that might be because we haven’t set out the boundaries.”

Sturgeon has felt a surge in her ballot box recently, although she worries that it may be at the expense of her partner’s enjoyment. For his part, Miliband still insists that he is capable of coming first.

“I’ve basically got carte blanche, he knows he can’t refuse me”, explained Sturgeon. “He protests, but he doesn’t promise to withdraw.”

The SNP leader thinks their relationship would be stronger if they settled on a safeword, which if uttered by either party would immediately stop the shenanigans.

Sturgeon proposed ‘Trident’, but Miliband didn’t like that very much, claiming it made him feel emasculated.

“He suggested ‘Barnet’ but I’m not having a mockney criticising my hair”, said Sturgeon. “In the end, we settled on ‘Ed Balls’.”

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